Tag: visual white noise theater

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Visual White Noise Theater: LOL! Fucking “Skins” (2017)

At first I wasn’t gonna even review this movie, sure it is weird and different but “Skins” falls into the “pretentious horseshit” category for me, the artist so full up his/her ass that they can’t see the sunlight. However, sometimes pretentious horseshit can be entertaining and unintentionally hilarious, to me that was “Skins”.

In some ways I wonder if the director, was trying to play this straight or if this was actually a troll, cinema style. If it was a troll it was the best troll pulled on the Netflix/art house crowd who think their “tolerant” and “sophisticated”. Again this is a Spanish movie and maybe the sub titles were mistranslated but even the action on the screen is utterly ridiculous. When I was meant to feel empathy for a twisted, fuck pedophile who wants to sleep with an eleven year old girl who has no eyes, not blind, no eyes, and gives her pink diamonds for eyes while his wife is giving birth I was fucking disgusted, typical of Netflix who would put out a movie like “Cuties”. The scene and the way it was executed made me snicker, then laugh, a fat old madam who runs a cat house of deformed people telling the peder creep that he can’t help who is and its OK to screw kids and then the scene between the eyeless girl and the old man (they don’t show anything) made me bust a gut.

Then there is the guy who has a fetish for deformed women, his deformed girlfriend is fucking a burn victim behind his back, a girl who has a butt hole where her mouth is supposed to be and a mouth where her butt hole is supposed to be is raped by two gay looking guys rape in both, then there is a pregnant dwarf who plays a pink animorphic teddy bear on a kids show she wants to quit and her creepy manager is trying to talk her into having an abortion, then there is a kid who is the son of the pederast who thinks his legs aren’t part of him because he believes that he is a mermaid and his legs should be fins, its one pretentious cluster fuck of deformed, sad sap people who are all looking for sick, twisted love, normally I would dig something like this but all I could do was laugh. If it was trying to say “Love knows no boundaries”, that flew over my head. The kid with legs lays out in traffic and lets the girl with butt hole for a mouth run over his legs while she is speeding away in her car from the two gay looking dudes who are trying to rape her, the guys chasing her look like they would only want to rape other dudes. Now this might sound interesting, it is kind of, but its more funny than anything. Especially at the end, (I don’t care if I spoil it either I wasted my time watching this) where the guy who has a fetish for deformities keeps butt hole mouth girl from jumping off a bridge after getting raped by the two closet gay guys, the fetish guy kisses her and the dude tongues her hairy butt hole/mouth, I roared with laughter and the kid who wants to be a mermaind in the afterlife becomes a glittery, prancing mermaid with fish falling out of the sky. Now if this wasn’t fun and I didn’t get some enjoyment out of it I wouldn’t have even wasted space on it, in some ways I am wasting space and time on this movie. This is pretentious horseshit but it was funny and made me laugh but I won’t watch “Skins” again. If what I wrote above appeals to you have at it, go on Netflix or if your like me and your one of those “FUCK NETFLIX” guys go to a friend’s and watch it if you don’t want to give these cheerleader pederasts any of your money. Over all, fuck this film and if this isn’t a troll fuck the douchey, art hipster who made this bullshit, you made me laugh at least.

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Visual White Noise Theater: How about “Fried Barry” (2020) for dessert?!

That would be one weird tasting dessert, one you wouldn’t forget, I wouldn’t call it “sweet” or “bland” or “bitter” or “gross” its just all of that mixed together. Coming out of the post apocalyptic husk that is South Africa and directed by Ryan Kruger, the movie features Barry (played by future character actor Gary Green) a heroin addict who has a son and pissed off wife, he has no job to support his family and just wanders around looking for drugs until a UFO abducts him and takes over his body.

An alien takes over his body and he is put smack dab in the middle of Johannesburg, that is when things go completely bat shit insane and doesn’t let up. The alien in Barry does drugs, his neck stretches, he knocks up a prostitute who gives birth seconds later, he gets sucked off by some creep in a public bathroom and sprays him with black jizz, he gets kidnapped by a pedophile and gets in a chainsaw fight with the guy, he gets put in an insane asylum, escapes into a beckoning businessman’s car who shoots him up and feeds him pills and they drive through an atom explosion, a grown man sucks milk out of a woman’s nipple etc. I could go on and on.

“Fried Barry” is like if the 1979 Peter Seller’s movie “Being There” had done tons of hard drugs. The alien in Barry just seems to be stumbling around and gathering whatever earth like experiences it can but on the way Barry inadvertently helps people kind of like Dougie Cooper in “Twin Peaks the Return”, the movie does stumble near the end and it picks up again. Depending on your movie tastes you won’t like a nonsensical movie where the character travels from one vignette to another, this isn’t a hapless film by no means, there is a story tying all of this together but I don’t want to give away the whole story.

The director took his short film and stretched “Fried Barry” into a feature length film. From what I’ve heard the actor playing Barry, whose name is Gary Green, was a stuntman, he is very unusual looking which fits the part perfectly of a man who is taken over by an alien force. Not much is told about the aliens, when he is in the ship he sees a lot of weird ass shit, and your left wondering if the alien itself is a drug addict getting high off of the experiences through Barry, an intergalactic tweaker stuck in the body of an earthbound heroin addict.

To get “Fried” with “Barry” go here: https://www.amazon.com/Fried-Barry-Gary-Green/dp/B0948Q98JK

Or you can be a cheap bastard and not support cool art by finding the pirates by the bay. If you choose this option don’t be surprised if those same pirates make you walk the plank.

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” says it all!!!

Don’t build a skyscraper that manufactures hologram equipment on a Samurai graveyard, take it from “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero”.

Wow, surprise, another weird Japanese movie, nothing new there but of course the weirdness varies, sometimes its cultural misunderstandings or the dialogue isn’t translated properly for English speaking audiences. A Samurai graveyard is bulldozed and in its place is put a shiny skyscraper where they are trying to prefect making holograms you can feel. This pisses off the spirits of the dead. The company puts one of the weird grave markers from the bulldozed graveyard in their lobby under a glass case, because in a horror movie that isn’t asking for trouble.

An old man in a electric wheelchair shows up in the lobby looks at the grave stone and starts yelling about a curse, the receptionists scream and….We’re off and running. The crazy old man warning the youngin’s that if they go somewhere or do a certain something they’ll die, now the Japanese are using an American horror movie trope. Cut to a scene where a Japanese pop rock band is yelling into the camera as Satoshi, son of the guy who owns the big building has fallen asleep at his table and has a nightmare about having his throat cut. Satoshi doesn’t want the responsibility of running the company, so his father’s friend and co chair is running the company, Satoshi is overseeing the hologram program. His father’s friend is trying to talk him into taking over the company.

Then some douche in a white suit shows up and he is always using an electric shaver even though his face is smooth and clean shaven, he has two butch white women in suits that are his bodyguards, apparently he had worked for the company before and stole secrets, now he is back wanting his top level job back because he ripped off his other employer, at first Satoshi’s father’s friend will have nothing to do with the douche in the white suit but white suit is very pushy and consistent and seeks to take over the company from Satoshi. The pop rock band shows up and warns Satoshi and his lab aides that there is a curse over the building because it was built over a graveyard they say if the blood of a virgin touches the gravestone in the lobby underneath the glass case all hell will break loose.

And break loose it does, all over the place, the band morphs into Yokai spirits, the white suit guy tries to rape the secretary and throws her over the balcony, the white suit guy grabs the cursed katana and turns into a demonic Samurai that starts demolishing everything in its path, lightning flashes, virgin holograms clash (yep I didn’t mistype), hallways turn into forests etc. This thing breaks open, and maybe again this is a cultural difference but this movie “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” can’t make up its mind if its a kid’s movie or a weird movie for adults. Its trying to be everything to everybody, and for me it succeeds. This movie is “My Ghost Hero”.

So go here to get to “Monster Heaven” with sub titles: https://www.bitchute.com/video/CUozZoHL5ASo/

One more for the road, gif thieves!

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White Noise on Paper: Get down in the “Cinema Sewer” and get filthy dirty.

Robin Bougie started “Cinema Sewer” around 1997 in Victoria BC, Canada when he was reading different zines about B and cult movies, zines like Joe Bob Briggs’ zine “Joe Bob Report” and Fred Adelman’s “Critical Condition” and wondering why comics hadn’t been combined with the zine format (their were a lot of cult movie zines out there, the cult and B movie zines for the most part hadn’t incorporated comics into their framework). He came up with the name after writing a column in his buddy’s zine “Poopsheet”, he couldn’t figure out a name for his column so his wife Rebecca came up with “Cinema Sewer” and he thought that described what he wanted to get across. Robin has put this zine out and hasn’t stopped since, and I got to give him props, the guy carries the zine torch. While finding the original and first issues are near impossible, your in luck because Fab Press has put out all of the issues in a series of seven books, with added and/or updated material by the Bougster himself.

While the Bougster does dive into cult films and B movies of yesteryear, his main focus is 1970’s to 1980’s soft core and hardcore porn, see for me I use porn for only one thing and one thing only, as do many people. I don’t want to read treatises and long winded philosophical pieces on something I nut to and put aside. I’ve even tried watching the classic porn, and I’ve had to watch them in pieces because once I come to a certain scene, SPLURT, I am done and its served its use. The Bougster actually goes into depth on these movies and their stories, he interviews actors, actresses, directors, producers etc. involved in that scene. While some of it was interesting I was tempted to turn to the pieces where he or a guest reviewer actually goes in depth about the shitty B movies I love. I’ve only found one porn director, Stephen Sayadian aka “Rinse Dream” who has made interesting, weird and twisted porn like the post apocalyptic “Cafe Flesh”, the surreal “Night Dreams” and the soft core, weird sequel to “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” named “Dr. Caligari” which is his best work.

RANT START, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE BORED SKIP THIS SECTION TO “RANT OVER”: Too many times the Bougster gets up on a soapbox about porn, the guy is a bug eyed fanatic about it, almost the way I was when I was a younger and hornier guy, he claims on his soapbox that it does no damage whatsoever to society, the people involved in making it etc. Hell, the dude even did a porn mocking religion, but here is the deal, I am no prude, I am not one of these idiots who goes around yelling about how porn destroys everybody and everything, however, he is so biased that he can’t see past his own nose. People in the porn industry seem to die of drug overdose, suicide, violent accident and death in higher proportions than other professions, he’d say “well look at any other commercial business, that all happens in other places” problem is it happens in larger percentages in that industry. In his zine he tries to paint the porn industry as victimless and if a girl or guy goes on to change their life and point out the problems in the industry he gets downright brutal and mean, he tells others to be “non judgmental” while judging those critical of what it seems he is addicted to. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t think porn should be illegal and the Bougster is right, most of these people make the choice to be in this line of business but its also equally as ignorant to ignore all the damaged people that go in and come out of the industry, whether that be through retirement or a body bag. He points out studies that prove porn industry people have a high self esteem but this study was put out by a former porn star, Sharon Mitchell, kind of like the fox guarding the hen house? Sorry about this tangent but it had to get out there. Sure we should have honest discussions about sex and porn but being honest also means looking at the negative and bad of things to which the Bougster seems to not be able to do at all in his zine, he isn’t objective when it comes to the subject. He also does the false equivalency argument that prostitutes and porn stars make when attacked for their profession “Well its no different if your going into work to a job you hate and a boss you hate, your prostituting yourself, no different from what I do”, and its weak, the difference between a Big Box store stocker and a porn star/prostitute is the Big Box store stocker isn’t getting physically fucked in every orifice and having mental qualms and other psychological damage from it, you could argue that the stocker is getting fucked in different ways but that stocker is less likely to kill his/herself, shoot up smack, get beaten up etc. all of which the Bougster would deny but is a fact. I am a bit of a hypocrite I just got on a soap box now push me off. RANT OVER.

But all that is a small quibble, I love the fuck out of “Cinema Sewer” you not only get the Bougster’s musings and scribblings you also get guest artists and reviews. While Bougster mainly covers the retro soft/hardcore porn, he also does a bang up job of covering more of what I am interested in, weird TV shows, twisted B movies and WTF?! Cult Films. He also has a huge collection of one sheets and ad bills for some of these rare grindhouse films which he reprints in “Cinema Sewer”. These books are a treasure trove of info and he turned me on to movies that I have never heard before and dammit, I am glad somebody is actually printing an actual zine you can hold in your hands, its a lost art. I wish the Bougster had continued with the feature of “Comics I’d Like to See Turned into Movies”, I am not sure if has the rights to reprint some comic strips like “Ramba” but damn does it add to the visual flare of the material. While you might agree or disagree with the Bougster’s positions, you need to get down and dirty with “Cinema Sewer”. So open that manhole of your mind and plug your nose its gonna get nastEEEEEEEE!!!!!

To get nasty go here, the Bougster has got a lot of cool stuff up there, the books, his zine and his dirty cartoon zine check em’ out and support him!: https://cinemasewer.storenvy.com/products

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Highway to Hell” (1991) isn’t just the title of an AC/DC song.

Its a movie and a kick ass one at that I finally got around to watching this one.

“Highway to Hell” is a movie I always used to see in video rental stores and I’d say “One of these days, I am gonna rent that, its got Kristy Swanson who is so damn hot.” Yet I never did, now that most mom and pop video stores and Blockbuster have gone kaput I went looking for this one and I am pissed at myself I didn’t watch it sooner.

 

Directed by Ate De Jong, who directed one of the craziest, bat shit episodes of the awesome show “Miami Vice” an episode that involved aliens, UFO’s, James Brown and peanut butter, the episode was widely unpopular and panned out of existence. De Jong’s weird, Danish sensibilities didn’t translate too good to the television screen and people in Hollywood were hesitant to throw money at him. Finally somebody had the good sense to throw De Jong another chance along with a script by Brian Helgeland who claimed he got the idea from being pulled over on some side stretch road outside of Las Vegas with his wife, Brian said the cop was really patronizing and walked around their car threateningly, all over Brian driving a little over the speed limit. Brian wondered “Is this the cop from hell?” And a light went off in his head.

Charlie Sykes, played by Rob’s younger brother Chad and Rachel played by Kirsty Swanson go to elope in Las Vegas. Chad is afraid that his parents and Rachel’s parents might’ve called the police to stop them from getting married and in fear he takes a side road, he comes upon a lonely gas station run by a lonely old man named Sam played by character actor who plays old coots all the time, Richard Farnsworth. He tries to tell them not to go any further past the Joshua trees and especially not go to sleep past that point because they’ll get into trouble, he advises them to get back on the main road,  in other words, Farnsworth plays the typical stock character “crazy old man” that appears in a lot of these horror movies who warns people about doing something or going somewhere and when they do what they were told not to or go where they told not to,  they get killed. Chad in fear takes the side road, falls asleep and the cop from hell shows up, busts up their car and takes Rachel.

In anger and fear Charlie goes back and grills Sam who tells him that his girlfriend got taken by the Hell Cop, the Hell Cop kidnaps virgins to take back to the Devil’s bordello and if the cop gets to Hell City then it will be too late. Sam tells Charlie to take his old Pontiac and says the Pontiac has something special in it and he gives him special ammo to take down the Hell Cop, he tells Charlie that he needs to go back to the Joshua trees, drive really fast, close his eyes and believe, then he can get into hell, when drives really fast a real cop does chase him. Charlie does this and ends up in hell which is a desert and from there I don’t want to give up much more.

This movie is satire but it will keep you on the edge of your seat, you’ll get the Stiller family, Ben (if you don’t know who Ben Stiller is I don’t know what to tell you) who plays a retarded fry cook, Jerry (Jerry Stiller played George Constanza’s dad in the best sitcom of all time “Seinfeld”) who is a corrupt cop caught in eternity in this diner from hell where you never get a coffee refill or what you ordered, Anne (Ben’s mom and Jerry’s wife, a funny comedian in her own right) who plays the waitress that bores the mummified, corrupt cops with her stories, you get Lita Ford as a hooker who traps men into getting killed by a ice cream truck serial killer who wants to scoop brains out of their heads and Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler and Patrick Bergen as Satan. There is various character actors in this movie, the monster effects are pretty awesome, especially the stop motion three headed Cerebus guard hound. Over all this is a wild ride, this is a movie where you can shut off your brain and let the movie do the driving, don’t let it crash your car though. CJ Graham under heavy make up plays the Hell Cop, CJ played the Jason incarnation in “Friday the Thirteenth 6, Jason Lives!” There is more in this movie that I don’t want to give away. This movie is almost as good as the song “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC, I was kind of hoping that it would make an appearance in the movie and it didn’t because this movie was a medium budget movie, however, you get a slower rock ballad from the aforementioned Lita Ford. This movie was made in 1989 but was shelved due to the company Hemdale going bankrupt, it didn’t see release until 1991.

So visual white noise addicts to get on the Highway all you have to do is go here: https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hell-Chad-Lowe/dp/B081D8Z3MK

For any of you that want an actual road to ride on go to: https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hell-Blu-ray-Patrick-Bergin/dp/B018STFHKC/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Highway+to+Hell&qid=1627583632&s=movies-tv&sr=1-5

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Visual White Noise Theater: Will “Jesus Show You the Way to the Highway”(2019)?

I never thought I’d see a movie shot in Ethiopia by a Spanish director, set somewhere in mid 21st century in a virtual world, the only thing is this movie was meant to look like it was shot in the mid 1980’s and is a prediction of what 2035 is gonna look like, so there is retro virtual reality machines and goggles, dial rotary phones, 1970’s furniture etc. In a word this movie is a mind fuck, you’ll want a cigarette after you watch this movie.

Where to start with a movie this insane? Well two CIA agents DT Gagano, played by a dwarf Ethiopian actor Daniel Tadesse and Palmer Eldritch played by Spanish actor Augustin Mateo, both contrast to each other in looks and personality, they are working in “Beta Ethiopia” which is the Ethiopia of the 2030’s as imagined by a sci fi film maker in the 1980’s. The Cold War is still on and the Soviet Union is trying to put a virus in the computer system called, what else? “Soviet Russia”. In this bizarre virtual reality everything is in stop motion and everybody wears the masks of famous actors, comedians and politicians. DT’s wife is a hot BBW blonde named Malin played by Gerda-Annette Allikas and she looks forward to him retiring as a secret agent so she can open a Kick Boxing studio. Your reading this saying WTF?! I did when I start watching this.

DT wants to start a pizza restaurant by the ocean but these dreams get derailed when he gets stuck in the virtual world and he needs to find a way to get out. In this stew you get a satire of 1960’s spy movies, including the incidental music, 1970’s and 1980’s action and kung fu films and B level sci fi. This movie is like a cross between  1980’s James Bond flicks and Alejandro Jodorowsky’s art movies not to mention the audio is badly synced to the lips on purpose. Seriously, this god damn movie is so insane it can’t be classified.

“Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway” is also philosophical, it doesn’t look like it on the surface but there is so many layers in this movie you’ll question whats reality, whats a dream, whats a fabricated reality etc. This movie is hilarious, some of the over the top absurd stuff will have you laughing until you are out of breath especially when one of the characters is watching TV and on it there is a man dressed like 1960’s Adam West Batman licking the feet of a man in a swimsuit, somebody yells at him “Stop watching that communist propaganda and get your ass over here!” Not only that, the president of Beta Ethiopia is dressed as 1960’s Batman and he wants to kick all drug dealers out of Beta Ethiopia. And believe it or not it gets crazier.

Most of the old computer technology that is seen in the movie was borrowed from the Estonian Computer Museum. “Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway” is a movie that hit me in the sweet spot, I literally stumbled across this movie by accident while searching for the movie “Highway to Hell” which I am gonna review next, I saw the poster and it looked like a grind house movie I’d never seen, and at first seeing the date it was made I was very skeptical, I dove headfirst into this roiling and boiling sea and I got the shit thrashed out of me. This is one newer movie I will repeat view and I am sure there is stuff I missed. There is so many Easter Eggs and little tid bits, the name alone should draw you in. I am sure a lot of religious folks searching for some religious movie about Jesus were confused when they watched this movie for the first time like I was, except in a different way, they’ll wonder what a fully clothed black midget is doing in a shower with a naked, statuesque, BBW blonde goddess and what any of this has to do with Jesus. The movie was partly funded by people on Kickstarter which is cool, Llanso’s first movie was the awesome post apocalyptic film “Crumbs” also starring the diminutive Daniel Tadesse, another one I will review later and you should watch and that one was made on a show string budget in Ethiopia and its just as weird.  “Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway” is one highway you don’t want to drive by.

To get the silver pizza pie Arrow has done a bang up job: https://arrowfilms.com/product-detail/jesus-shows-you-the-way-to-the-highway-blu-ray/FCD2009

To get on the highway digitally go here: https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Shows-You-Way-Highway/dp/B0893NT9V9

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Visual White Noise Theater: Whats “Under the Silver Lake” (2018)?

“Under the Silver Lake” is like one of those Russian nesting dolls, you pull off one shell of a doll and there is another smaller doll underneath but this movie isn’t like your typical nesting doll, you don’t come down to one small doll within larger ones, you can keep pulling shells off and seem to never come to the end. This pisses a lot of people off, it doesn’t piss me off and I love movies like this that have me thinking days after I watched it, especially if its a newer film. Directed by David Robert Mitchell, who directed the awesome, multi layered symbolic horror film “It Follows” this was Mitchell’s fray into “Neo Noir”, a genre post 1960’s that lifts the main themes of “Noir” and transplants them into the current time period. More modern examples are most of the films of David Lynch, “Drive”, “Brick”, “Big Lebowski” etc. that mix various genres in with “Noir” genres like comedy, sci fi (think “Blade Runner), the supernatural and occult etc. Mitchell takes the “Neo Noir” genre and turns it on its head snapping its neck in the process.

Put out by A24 who has actually been putting out good newer movies, “Under the Silver Lake” on the surface is your typical “noir” plot. Loser and down on his luck Sam, played by Andrew Garfield, is about to get evicted from his apartment. He seems to have no job and is a creepy voyeur type who spies on his female neighbors, one of which is an old hippie chick who feeds her numerous birds on the balcony topless, he also has sex with an older and aspiring actress who drops by his apartment once in a while, as their having sex on the news they see that Jefferson Sevence, a billionaire stunt man/mogul has disappeared without a trace. However, he falls for a girl in a bikini who was a small white dog as a pet who is his neighbor, which is funny because there is a dog killer loose in the Silver Lake area who is killing pooches. He hooks up with Sarah, played by Lisa Marie’s daughter and Elvis Presley’s grand daughter, Riley Keough. They go in her apartment to watch a Marilyn Monroe movie called “How to Catch a Millionaire” and she has three dolls on her dresser of actresses in the movie, name labels beneath the dolls and beneath the names strange code. Soon other people come into the apartment before he can get it on with her and she tells him he has to leave but he should come back the next day. He does and finds the apartment empty, he breaks in the window and hears somebody coming, a girl dressed like a prostitute comes and gets a shoe box full of Sarah’s stuff with dolls and other pictures in it. He asks his pissed off landlord where she is and the landlord brushes him and tells him he has to pay rent or he is gonna get evicted. So Sam goes to find out what happened to her and where she is at.

That is the surface story, sounds like a start to a neo noir film and I am not giving anymore away but suffice to say from there it gets more crazy and insane. Then you start to wonder whats paranoia/fantasy or reality. This movie reminds me a lot of Lynch’s “Southern California Trilogy” of movies which are “Lost Highway”, “Muholland Drive” and “Inland Empire”. Its a mix of Lynch, Hitchcock and Chandler, even the in between, incidental music is something Bernard Hermann would’ve put in one of Hitchcock’s films which was done by the ultra talented “Disasterpiece” who did a synth soundtrack for Mitchell’s first movie, “It Follows”. Sam is obsessed with retro pop culture, in his apartment he has got posters for noir and old monster movies all over his walls, a VHS tape player, a Nintendo, Nintendo Power magazines, even the magazines he beats off to are old copies of Sears Catalogs, Playboys and Hustlers. As his search for Sarah intensifies so does his paranoia that all of pop culture and what we listen to, beat off to, watch, eat etc. is orchestrated by small group of men who hide in the dark.

Some of the characters in the movie don’t even have names, which I think is done on purpose, the aspiring actress girl whom is a “friend with benefits” type is listed in the credits as “Actress” who is played by Riki Lindhome, then there is the paranoid “Comic Fan” played by character actor Patrick Fischler who has been in two David Lynch projects, the aforementioned “Muholland Drive” and “Twin Peaks the Return” TV series, the Comic Fan puts out a zine drawn in Daniel Clowes fashion about the history and urban legends behind Silver Lake which was where the movie industry started, chief among them being the Dog Killer of the 1920’s who might be inspiring the killer of the modern day and the Owl’s Kiss woman who has sex with prominent men and murders them, all these sequences are done in animated, 2D.

“Comic Fan” also believes all the answers can be found on a map he finds in the back of cereal box, he also has plaster masks of Johnny Depp, Grace Kelly etc. all over his walls when Sam goes to ask him questions about the zine he created and Sarah, he says it all leads back to what is on that cereal box and if he isn’t careful the Owl’s Kiss will kill him. At first Sam thinks he is crazy but then realizes that ever since he was a kid he was trying to find patterns in everything. The Comic Fan gives him a guide on how to spot hobo symbols, one of the symbols, two diamonds joined together, look like the same symbols from the “Twin Peaks” original TV series, in the movie they mean to “remain silent”.

In “Under the Silver Lake” there is a lot of symbols, a lot of patterns and a lot of interpretations of what those symbols mean. It also examines pop culture and paranoia burn out in our technological age. It also skewers modern Hollywood and the media, almost every actress in this movie is a part time prostitute, and I don’t think there is any misogyny in that presentation, its actually a comment on how power hungry producers see females in the industry. Its a critique but the movie goes a lot deeper. There is a multitude of theories about this movie, that Sam as actually a schizoid, kleptomaniac who is imagining most, if not, all the movie in his head, there is scenes in the movie that are picture perfect renditions of the cover of an old 1960’s Playboy he jerks off at, a Marilyn Monoe film and other homages to retro pop culture or that he is actually dead and in limbo in a type of purgatory etc. There is numerous videos on the different theories and symbols in this movie. In fact the film’s cryptography advisor was a computer scientist named Kevin Knight who helped create a computer program to break the Copiale Cipher, so the symbols and numbers in this movie aren’t meaningless.

“Under the Silver Lake” premiered at the 2018 Cannes Festival. A24 were pretty shitty with this movie, they kept pushing it back and back on the release date and barely promoted it. That wasn’t fair to this movie, of course it has developed a cult following but it should be more widely known as a good addition to the “Neo Noir” cannon of movies. High recommendation from me, not a lot of modern movies stroke my sensibilities, especially lame stream movies. So go ahead jump into “Under the Silver Lake”.

So it is streaming on some platforms, if you have prime on Amazon or other subscriptions you should be able to watch it no problem. I say pay these people.

But if you don’t want to support art, you cheap fucking bastards, find a pirate ship if you know what I mean.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Its a bird! Its a plane! No its “Keiko Mask” (1991)!!!

My previous post was on the Japanese film “Mind Games” now I am going back into the “Land of the Rising Sun” with something dumber, more sexual and inept. That would be “Keiko Mask” or in Japanese, “Kekko Kamen”. “Keiko” the movie started out as a soft core Manga about a mysterious chick who fights completely nude except for a cape and mask. She does this in some school, called the “Spartan School” where if the students are naughty or misbehave they get punished by being tortured, S and M style, the Head Master, or “Principal” for us yanks is a pervert creep who wears a jester hat and Kiss band make up, when students get tortured Keiko shows up and kicks their asses nude. Then somebody decided to make this into a movie, shoot it on film stock normally used on soap operas and deliver it to the public, almost like Keiko’s ultimate finishing move which I call “Shining Vagina”, they were hoping this would be a “Shining Vagina” to the watching public. The only move this worked on were degenerate perverts like myself.

The cheapness just drips off this one, now granted the version I have isn’t the best but even a buddy of mine that has a better rip says it still looks cheap. This thing trips all over itself genre wise: Super Hero Movie, Comedy Movie, Drama Movie, Action Movie, Soft Porn Movie, S & M Movie and Teen Movie, the genres aren’t balanced that great, this movie is off in more ways than one. The “comedy” is very cheesy and the drama is just boring, but this thing is so damn weird my jaw was dropping on the ground, over all the weird and interesting parts outweighed the boring parts.

And there is different and weird villains, the aforementioned jester Head Master, the leader of the S & M/BDM “Spartan School”, two New Age hippie types who want to trap “Keiko Mask” for the bounty put on her by the Head Master, a 1980’s hair metal chick teacher who tortures boys to lure Keiko Mask, a American art teacher/turned killer robot, a midget mad doctor whose tall assistant bullies him and an army of samurai. It seems Keiko Mask’s finishing move is the “Shining Vagina” I don’t know why she doesn’t just use this move in every battle to end the fights as quickly as possible. But, hey this is a weird Japanese, S & M comedy movie don’t expect logic to ever enter the equation here!

Apparently a lot of weebs are really pissed at this movie. I’ve been on different comment boards and they all bitch and moan about this not being even close to the Manga or the animated version, which I never saw but this slice of sleaze is way up my trash strewn alley and if your a weird movie fan it is worth your time, you will want to assault your eyes with this thing.

So do you want “Keiko Mask” to sexually assault you with her “Shining Vagina”? Go over here https://www.bitchute.com/video/XgEWd3linbLe/  and the picture sucks but good luck finding a copy of this in Region 1 DVD or blu ray or in the bay where pirate’s hang out.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Stop Playing Your “Mind Game” (2004)

I haven’t dropped acid or done mushrooms in years and I thought I was having a flashback, maybe I was falling asleep watching this movie and getting those flashes of dreams you get when you wake up quick and fall asleep repeatedly until you just give up and lie down. “Mind Game” from Japan (where else) will play mind games with you, it will toy with you, your emotions and mental state, it will always win.

 

This isn’t your traditional Japanese animated movie, which is what I liked about this one. Seriously, I kind of get burned out on the “big eyed anime” style that prevails in almost every Japanese animated movie. This one takes a wink and nod to “Belladonna of Sadness” (which I will review in the future) where various forms of animation are mixed together in an eye stabbing, mysterious brilliance.

Nishi, aspiring Manga artist encounters an old flame on the subway, Myon who is running from a yakuza member/football player Atsu. Nishi finds out she is getting married and is still in love with Myon but is too much of chicken to actually say it, he says it in his imagination but not out loud. Over all, you get the feeling Nishi lives most of his triumphs in his own head, he is dreamer but it doesn’t help him in the real world. However, they go to Myon’s father’s Sushi restaurant, her sister Yan is at the bar making sushi and serving beer while their dad drunkenly talks about his sexual conquests, Nishi gets pissed off and goes off on him talking about this in front of his own daughters, in this scene you can’t tell if this is in Nishi’s head or if he is actually telling the father off, Myon’s soon to be husband Ryo shows up and its awkward. Two yakuzas walk in, one is Atsu who I just mentioned was chasing Myon. The yakuza are looking for Myon’s father who is hiding because he screwed Atsu’s girlfriend. They start threatening everybody, Ryo tries to punch out Atsu and Atsu fells him, he goes to rape Myon and Myon shouts for Nishi who is curled up in a ball in fear. Atsu disgusted by his behavior shoots him through his asshole. Nishi dies and ascends into some strange afterlife where God mocks him for being a loser, Nishi pissed off and wants another chance so instead of running to the gate way of the afterlife he runs towards the life tunnel and God chases him, he gets back in his body and kicks ass.

Or are we sure he actually gets back in his body kicks ass? What happens next is insane, Nishi, mad at wasting his life with Myon and Yan in tow, leads the Yakuza on an insane car chase where they are swallowed by a whale. Inside the whale they come across a ship and an old hermit who is an ex Yakuza, he turned his ship into a toy, food, comfort laden pleasure palace. From there it gets even more crazier, on the surface you may see non sense but beneath it, if you really drink it in it has got a lot of layers religious, philosophical and spiritual. The movie uses different types of animation to express different emotions and thoughts. Weebs who want “traditional” anime aren’t gonna happy and there isn’t probably enough stupid action for their “Bleach/Sailor Moon” ridden brains. This movie will have you questioning everything. Is this all in Nishi’s head? Is he in the after life? Did he really come back to life and start to kick ass? Can you really survive being swallowed by a whale? On that last note there is a lot of religious iconography in this movie, both Western and Eastern. To all of you people who don’t want to think about your movies this one isn’t for you.

The music is pretty strange to and goes with the mood, some are Broadway type musical numbers and some are Bossa Nova numbers. Overall this movie has a dream like logic but when you fit the pieces together like a puzzle most of it will fall right into place. This piece of visual art noise is a must have for people who want something different in their Japanese animation.

So where do you want to play the “Mind Game”? Well this isn’t going up on my bitchute channel, while I upload stuff over there because copy right is pretty much non existent I don’t want to push it too far by putting this up there and also these film makers are still in existence and need your support, so just get your favorite search engine and put in “Mind Game” and “Streaming”, Amazon, Youtube, Apple etc. have it pretty cheap or you can always visit that Pirate in the Bay you super cheap, cheatin’ bastid.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Your “Nothing But Trouble” (1991)

So taking the usual horror plot of city slickers getting lost in the sticks and being captured and tormented by inbred, mutant, red necks a la “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Deliverance etc. Writer/director Dan Aykroyd turns the usual horror plot on its head throwing in a huge dash of cartoonish absurdity, dark humor and incomprehensible insanity. This movie stink bombed theaters back in the day but you know me, I don’t give a shit what audiences thought or think about a piece of white noise, I leave that up to myself. Digging this piece of coal out of the ground I found a diamond and I am most definitely gonna look at this diamond more than once. “Nothing But Trouble”, that title made it easy for “sticks up their asses” critics to make fun of the movie. To me watching this was no trouble at all.

Chevy Chase plays Chris Thorne who decides to drive his neighbor, a lawyer Diane Lightson, played by a hotter than hell Demi Moore to visit one of her clients who is stealing money from her in Atlantic City. Chris’ clients, a Brazilian heir and heiress brother and sister, Fausto and Renalda Squiriniszu played by character actors Taylor Negro and Bertila Damas respectively tag along. On the way to Atlantic City, Fausto and Renalda want to stop off somewhere to have picnic which Chris doesn’t want to do, they hound him into pulling off somewhere with trees, they end up in the rural New Jersey turnpike town of Valkenvania and Chris drives past the speed limit unknowingly and he tries to out run the cop car that has jets on its back but has to give up when another cop, Miss Purdah, played by another character actor, Valri Bromfield, is on the road blocking it with her car and a sharp shooter rifle. They are ultimately taken in by Officer Dennis Valkenheiser played by the awesome John Candy and they are brought before a 106 year old judge, Alvin J.P. Valkenheiser, played by Dan Aykroyd, in disgusting make up, when he finds out Chris has something to do with finances Alvin hates bankers and investors he drops Chris and his crew through a holding cell to be tried the next day. They overhear another group of people who got speeding and they were also caught with drugs, the druggies are sentenced to go through the “Bonestripper” roller coaster where their stripped of their flesh. The group knows they need to get the hell out of there.

“Nothing But Trouble”s art design and sets are jaw dropping, a bizarre collection of junk, scrap metal, manikins, retro toys, retro magazines and other knick knacks give the feel of a junkyard carnival. In fact, I’d say the whole aesthetic of the movie is what gives it its extra punch. It is in no way scary, but it will have you on the edge of your seat and you will get laughs. This won’t have you peeing your pants in fear or make your teeth chatter, this is the type of harmless dark comedy that 1944’s “Arsenic and Old Lace” perfected so well. Its goofy and screwball brought to the early 1990’s with a dash of classic Warner Brother’s Cartoon humor.

Both John Candy and Dan Aykroyd do double duty playing different characters. Not only does John play Dennis, he also plays Dennis’ sister Eldona who wants to marry Chris and the Judge, in exchange for Chris’ life, insists on this. John Candy in drag equals hilarity. Dan not only plays the judge, he also plays his mutant inbred grandson, Bobo whose twin brother is Lil’ Debbull played by John Davieikis, Diane falls into their inept and childish clutches, these two characters wouldn’t be out of place in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, even the voices. The classic Hip Hop (not a fan but cool nonetheless) group Digital Underground make an appearance, complete with a young Tu Pac. Digital Underground gets pulled over for speeding but let go by the judge because he digs their music but he makes them stay to play the wedding music for Chris and Eldona’s forced wedding. This movie is early 1990’s to the fucking core.

This script came from an idea from Dan’s brother Peter who was pulled over for speeding in a podunk town in New Jersey, Peter felt like he was in a kangaroo court, got fined fifty bucks but was invited for tea by the Justice of the Peace after his trial, he was at the dude’s house for four hours! Not to mention Dan and Pete took their producer buddy Robert Weiss to a screening of “Hellraiser” to take his mind off of a rib injury he just had, they heard the audience laughing at the movie and got the idea that audiences wanted to be scared and laugh at the same time. Boom! “Nothing But Trouble” sprang into existence. The movie was originally titled “Valkenvania” but the studio changed it to a line in the movie “Nothing But Trouble”.  The movie went over five million plus bucks budget wise, but that didn’t help it any, it only grossed 8.4 million at the box office while the budget was 40 million over all, back in the day it croaked really hard.

The usual stick in the muds in the lamestream media savaged the shit out of it and it got Razzies. It didn’t help that Chevy Chase was a raging dick head on set berating the staff and fellow actors but what else is new? Apparently legendary fantasy/sci fi artist was commissioned to do the poster art but I’ve never seen it and I don’t think it was ever used. So should you give this movie a chance? I say HELL YES!!! On this blog I will only review noise both audio and visual I find interesting, makes me think, entertaining etc. I will never waste my time or yours on stuff that completely sucks. This movie is in that weird vein of comedy mined by “Beetlejuice”, “Cabin Boy”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”, “Freaked” etc. back in the day. Go mine the hell out of it yourself.  

To mine it go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/jmsBzByJHSSo/