Tag: comedy

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Visual White Noise Theater: Lets have a nice visit with “Frank and Zed” 2021

The last puppet movie I saw that was made for adults was Peter Jackson’s “Meet the Feebles”, it was before Jackson slathered CGI shit all over the screen with “Bored of the Dings”. “Meet the Feebles” featured puppets fucking, getting AIDs, having eating disorders and being addicted to drugs, you know, kid’s stuff. Now I know in the interim that there was one other adult puppet movie that came out which I never saw called “Happy Time Murders” but Melissa McCarthy’s presence makes me not want to see it. However, while rolling through the web site “366 Weird Movies” I came across a review for a movie called “Frank and Zed” which featured all puppets, and watching the trailer made me cum in my pants. I crossed my fingers hoping there was somewhere I could watch it. No such luck, until I visited the filmmaker’s facebook page and web site which was called “Puppetcore” to see if there was anyway I could see it. “Frank and Zed” was going to be streamed through Halloween and I plopped down my money down and what I got was a puppet movie unlike I’d ever seen, a fantasy, horror and comedy, three of my favorite genres mashed together, visually eye popping, gut busting funny, I had a great time watching “Frank and Zed”, the puppets all had personalities of their own right down to the background puppets, “Frank and Zed” is like a mutant hybrid of “Evil Dead 2”, “Meet the Feebles” and “Young Frankenstein”.

 

I don’t want to give too much away, but the movie tells the tale of Frank who was made from various body parts and Zed who is a zombie whose soul is trapped in its body by the God of Death, whom Frank and Zed were made to serve. The God of Death seeks to rule over a small village but he is slaughtered by the villagers and he puts a curse on the village saying they will all die in a “Orgy of Blood”. A priest and a lord plot to overthrow the king and make the curse not happen by tricking the villagers into killing Frank and Zed whom they see as maintaining the curse and all hell breaks loose. Bones break, blood splatters, brains get eaten etc. I sure hope sooner or later this gets released in physical format, the only draw back to watching it online streaming was that it had a watermark right in the middle of the screen, which was annoying, but I understand why they put it there, to keep theft from happening. “Frank and Zed” took an impressive seven years to make by Portland, OR based filmmaker Jesse Blanchard and crew, the miniatures were shot on the RED camera which was Stanley Kubrick’s favorite lens. Jesse and his crew made all the sets and puppets in his garage and used mainly practical effects, only using CGI for some thunder and electricity, this movie was strictly old school. He helped fund “Frank and Zed” in part through Kickstarter. This movie is a hoot and I can’t wait to watch it again, another hidden newer movie that is actually good. Here is praying “Frank and Zed” comes out in Blu Ray/DVD sooner rather than later. 

So where do you get your brains eaten by “Frank and Zed”? You don’t yet but you can get a little taste with the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDaRv1IkUsg&t=11s

Go to the castle here: https://www.puppetcore.com/

Their fuckfacebook page (did I just type that? Sorry… NOT!): https://www.facebook.com/Puppetcore/

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” says it all!!!

Don’t build a skyscraper that manufactures hologram equipment on a Samurai graveyard, take it from “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero”.

Wow, surprise, another weird Japanese movie, nothing new there but of course the weirdness varies, sometimes its cultural misunderstandings or the dialogue isn’t translated properly for English speaking audiences. A Samurai graveyard is bulldozed and in its place is put a shiny skyscraper where they are trying to prefect making holograms you can feel. This pisses off the spirits of the dead. The company puts one of the weird grave markers from the bulldozed graveyard in their lobby under a glass case, because in a horror movie that isn’t asking for trouble.

An old man in a electric wheelchair shows up in the lobby looks at the grave stone and starts yelling about a curse, the receptionists scream and….We’re off and running. The crazy old man warning the youngin’s that if they go somewhere or do a certain something they’ll die, now the Japanese are using an American horror movie trope. Cut to a scene where a Japanese pop rock band is yelling into the camera as Satoshi, son of the guy who owns the big building has fallen asleep at his table and has a nightmare about having his throat cut. Satoshi doesn’t want the responsibility of running the company, so his father’s friend and co chair is running the company, Satoshi is overseeing the hologram program. His father’s friend is trying to talk him into taking over the company.

Then some douche in a white suit shows up and he is always using an electric shaver even though his face is smooth and clean shaven, he has two butch white women in suits that are his bodyguards, apparently he had worked for the company before and stole secrets, now he is back wanting his top level job back because he ripped off his other employer, at first Satoshi’s father’s friend will have nothing to do with the douche in the white suit but white suit is very pushy and consistent and seeks to take over the company from Satoshi. The pop rock band shows up and warns Satoshi and his lab aides that there is a curse over the building because it was built over a graveyard they say if the blood of a virgin touches the gravestone in the lobby underneath the glass case all hell will break loose.

And break loose it does, all over the place, the band morphs into Yokai spirits, the white suit guy tries to rape the secretary and throws her over the balcony, the white suit guy grabs the cursed katana and turns into a demonic Samurai that starts demolishing everything in its path, lightning flashes, virgin holograms clash (yep I didn’t mistype), hallways turn into forests etc. This thing breaks open, and maybe again this is a cultural difference but this movie “Monster Heaven, Ghost Hero” can’t make up its mind if its a kid’s movie or a weird movie for adults. Its trying to be everything to everybody, and for me it succeeds. This movie is “My Ghost Hero”.

So go here to get to “Monster Heaven” with sub titles: https://www.bitchute.com/video/CUozZoHL5ASo/

One more for the road, gif thieves!

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Visual White Noise Theater: Its a bird! Its a plane! No its “Keiko Mask” (1991)!!!

My previous post was on the Japanese film “Mind Games” now I am going back into the “Land of the Rising Sun” with something dumber, more sexual and inept. That would be “Keiko Mask” or in Japanese, “Kekko Kamen”. “Keiko” the movie started out as a soft core Manga about a mysterious chick who fights completely nude except for a cape and mask. She does this in some school, called the “Spartan School” where if the students are naughty or misbehave they get punished by being tortured, S and M style, the Head Master, or “Principal” for us yanks is a pervert creep who wears a jester hat and Kiss band make up, when students get tortured Keiko shows up and kicks their asses nude. Then somebody decided to make this into a movie, shoot it on film stock normally used on soap operas and deliver it to the public, almost like Keiko’s ultimate finishing move which I call “Shining Vagina”, they were hoping this would be a “Shining Vagina” to the watching public. The only move this worked on were degenerate perverts like myself.

The cheapness just drips off this one, now granted the version I have isn’t the best but even a buddy of mine that has a better rip says it still looks cheap. This thing trips all over itself genre wise: Super Hero Movie, Comedy Movie, Drama Movie, Action Movie, Soft Porn Movie, S & M Movie and Teen Movie, the genres aren’t balanced that great, this movie is off in more ways than one. The “comedy” is very cheesy and the drama is just boring, but this thing is so damn weird my jaw was dropping on the ground, over all the weird and interesting parts outweighed the boring parts.

And there is different and weird villains, the aforementioned jester Head Master, the leader of the S & M/BDM “Spartan School”, two New Age hippie types who want to trap “Keiko Mask” for the bounty put on her by the Head Master, a 1980’s hair metal chick teacher who tortures boys to lure Keiko Mask, a American art teacher/turned killer robot, a midget mad doctor whose tall assistant bullies him and an army of samurai. It seems Keiko Mask’s finishing move is the “Shining Vagina” I don’t know why she doesn’t just use this move in every battle to end the fights as quickly as possible. But, hey this is a weird Japanese, S & M comedy movie don’t expect logic to ever enter the equation here!

Apparently a lot of weebs are really pissed at this movie. I’ve been on different comment boards and they all bitch and moan about this not being even close to the Manga or the animated version, which I never saw but this slice of sleaze is way up my trash strewn alley and if your a weird movie fan it is worth your time, you will want to assault your eyes with this thing.

So do you want “Keiko Mask” to sexually assault you with her “Shining Vagina”? Go over here https://www.bitchute.com/video/XgEWd3linbLe/  and the picture sucks but good luck finding a copy of this in Region 1 DVD or blu ray or in the bay where pirate’s hang out.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Hate dem’ fancy “Cabin Boy”s(1994)

I remember as a kid loving Chris Elliot’s TV show “Get A Life” about a thirty something year old that still lives with his parents and has a job delivering papers, all his friends were between the ages of nine and thirteen years old (hey that sounds familiar, Chris was a prophet!), it screams “Pedo” and jokes were made in that direction. The humor in the show was absurd, offensive, off the wall, non sequiturs, crazy, stupid, juvenile etc. and it lasted only two seasons. My parents and mom in particular knew him from the David Letterman show, that and his two season show got him a movie that Tim Burton was supposed to direct but ended up producing because Tim wanted to direct “Ed Wood” instead, he was a big fan of Chris’ humor. “Cabin Boy” was all the things I mentioned above, I laughed at the movie and loved it, my dad called it “a crock of shit” and my mom wasn’t impressed with it when we rented it from our local family owned video rental business. Now years later I wanted to see if it still made me laugh or at least gave me chuckles, I’d forgotten almost everything about it except David Letterman as the the sailor/sock monkey salesman that says “I hate dem fancy boys!” Well I watched it and not only did I laugh, my jaw fell to the floor. Elliot and his co writer/director Adam Resnick, who also was a writer for David Letterman were way way WAY ahead of their time, Tim and Eric and Adult Swim owe Chris and Adam.

When Tim left to direct “Ed Wood” they didn’t know who to get to direct. Tim mentioned that Adam should direct it and they were off and running. Well more like jogging, when Buena Vista pictures found out Tim was leaving they cut their budget in half. When Adam and Tim wrote the script they kept in mind Burton’s penchant for weirdness, so they wrote a lot of special effects related things for the script. In fact, if they’d known Tim wasn’t gonna direct they were gonna leave a lot of the weird stuff on the floor which makes no sense at all because Chris’ humor is bizarre and it annoys some people.

The “Cabin Boy” is Nathaniel Mayweather who goes to “Fancy Boys Finishing School” where he wears a wig, is an obnoxious, stuck up, is an ass to his teachers and fellow students and he is also a virgin (a lot like his character in “Get A Life”). When he graduates his dad, played by Chris’ real life comedian dad, Bob Elliot, wants him to take over the hotel chain they own in Hawaii after he graduates, he is given tickets to board a luxury cruiser, the Queen Catherine, after being thrown out by the annoyed limo driver who was supposed to take him to the cruise ship, Nate takes a wrong turn into the wrong shipping village where David Letterman, the sailor/sock monkey salesman sends him to the boat, The Filthy Whore, instead.

Nathaniel thinking the Filthy Whore is one of those “theme boats” encounters Kenny (played by Andy Richter) who is the retarded Cabin Boy, he lets Nate on the boat while the other sailors aren’t on it because Nate says the captain said it was OK, he falls asleep and soon is awakened by the crew all played by curmudgeons who play crusty old men and villains in other movies, these four guys make this movie, Chris is still funny but these guys had me cracking up through the whole thing. Captain Greybar (yeah this movie is immature, played by Ritch Brinkley), Skunk (Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill’s brother and Noah from “Wayne’s World”), Big Teddy (played by Brion James who you’ve seen as a villain in tons of 1980’s-1990’s movies and TV shows) and Paps (played by James Gammon, the coach from “Major League”). Nate tries to convince them to go to Hawaii they laugh in his face. Nate fools Kenny into steering the ship towards Hawaii while the crew is asleep.

They run into a violent storm, evil clouds blow the ship around and Kenny falls into the water and drowns, they make Nate the new Cabin Boy and he has to do degrading things and clean the ship. It turns out that the ship got blown into a type of Bermuda Triangle called “Hell’s Bucket” in this place they encounter a lot of weird stuff, a half man, half shark creature called Chalky (played by Russ Tamblyn who is known as Dr. Jacobi in “Twin Peaks”), a girl who is trying to swim the Pacific Ocean, gets caught in Nate’s net and he falls in love with her and she has no interest in him, a frost giant, a giant cupcake that spits tabacco, the blue skinned, many armed Hindu goddess Kali who “cleans pipes” (I am not giving that one away folks) and her possessive, pissed off giant Housewares Salesman husband named Mulligan (played by Mike Starr).

I am not giving away the whole store, your gonna have to go shopping. It will be a very weird store indeed, the production company for “Cabin Boy” was Skellington Productions, which is Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s (who directed “James and the Giant Peach” and “Nightmare Before Christmas”) studio, so all the weird creatures and sets were made there, all of them practical, no fucking CGI, thank the B movie gods. This whole movie has got a “Tim Burton” vibe to it if he made more light hearted fair, it also reminds me of Terry Gilliam’s absurdist movies.

So this movie came out and…A bombed whole cities, pulverized them to radioactive dust. Critics (most of them I fucking hate, like Siskel and Ebert) shit all over this movie, it was a huge embarrassment at the time for everybody involved. Chris and Adam had stated for the longest time their careers were in shambles. But in 1994 I was a junior high kid loved this movie and didn’t care what some four eyed, pencil neck geek said about it and still feel the same way years later.

Like all things ahead of their time “Cabin Boy” garnered a cult following, people rewatched it and quoted lines from it like “Hate Dem Fancy Boys!” And most famous of all “My pipes…are…CLEAN!!!” Chris and Adam are surprised by the newfound fame of their movie that embarrassed them and now they have a fondness for it and speak at screenings. Watch this movie and tell me that most of the stuff on “Adult Swim” and “The Mighty Boosh” owe a debt of gratitude to “Cabin Boy”.

So where do get on the right ship and get on the right stream? Well its gonna cost you a ticket, sorry guys don’t feel good about posting this movie on my bitchute channel, don’t want to get busted: https://www.amazon.com/Cabin-Boy-Chris-Elliott/dp/B004YSDSV2

However, there will be certain “pirates” in the “bay” that will take you to your destination free of charge, just make sure that ship has a VPN cloaking device if you get my drift. *wink*wink*

This is must have visual noise, but a little “Cabin Boy” in your life (that came out sounding creepy.)

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White Noise Theater: You dim wit! You and your wife are so stupid you have “Shrunken Heads” (1994)

So what to say about this piece of visual white noise? Its a horror movie…about killer “Shrunken Heads”. Who would make such a movie you ask? Richard Elfman (director), Danny’s brother and Charles Band (producer) of Full Moon infamy of course. You think any major studio would touch a movie called “Shrunken Heads” about killer shrunken heads? Well they make shit like “Avatar” and “Captain Marvel” so its possible they would make something like this but it wouldn’t be executed the same way this was, that is weird and creepy. A gang of 30 year olds harass 12 year old boys and the gang leader’s girl looks like she is 12…uh yeah this movie is off to a rip roarin’ start.

The three boys are Tommy (Aeryk Egan), Freddy (Darris Love who has been in a whole bunch of stuff like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and Billy (Bo Sharon) who sit around, read comic books and in Tommy’s case, work in his dad’s grocery store. The creepy adult gang called “the Vipers” picks on them and is led by Vinnie (A.J. Damato) whose 12 year old girlfriend Sally (Rebecca Herbst who you’ve seen in every 1990’s sitcom when one of the major characters needed a love interest for that episode) has a crush on Tommy, somebody actually her own age. The boys are also friends with a Haitian Voodoo priest who runs a comic book stand in their neighborhood, Mr. Sumatra (played by the late great Julius Harris who you’ve seen in everything). Tommy intent on getting revenge on Vinnie, kisses Sally and films his gang ripping off a car, he hands the tape over to the cops and the gang gets arrested. Vinnie gets away and goes to the local mob boss Moe (played by Meg Foster in male drag, love this actress, she is in so many low budget, B movies it isn’t even funny) to tell her and get money to bail out his buds. Moe also wants Vinnie to kidnap the boys, after getting out of prison the Vipers do just that but the boys get loose and steal bags of gambling slips to hand over to the cops, Moe orders Vinnie to kill them.

Yep kids get iced in this movie, this early in the movie you get an underage girl dating a 30 year old grease ball, a transgender mob leader and kids getting killed for gambling slips. Wooo. Damn but things are about to get hotter because Mr. Sumatra knows what really happened and he slips into the funeral home to get the murdered kid’s heads, he shrinks them and revives them with a voodoo ritual to get revenge. Each one has a different power, Tommy can shock people, Freddy can get people with a switch blade he carries in his mouth and Billy has vampire teeth that sucks people dry. Mr. Sumatra teaches them how to use their powers and did I mention these Shrunken Heads can fly? He then sends them out to get revenge.

They first practice on other criminals before moving up to the Viper gang and Moe. Sally still has the hots for Tommy and has a picture of him by her bed which later leads to some uh hum uncomfortable and laughable scenes. Whoever wrote this was a fucking genius…the person probably did too much coke and drank too much cheap vodka. Out this popped and the only person they could get to direct something this insane was Richard Elfman, who directed the awesome disasterpiece “Forbidden Zone”, then he gets his brother, Danny Elfman, who did music for Tim Burton’s “Batman” and was the lead singer of Oingo Boingo to do the music for his movie, and not only that the Oingo Boingo song “No One Lives Forever” in the movie. They only spent a million (and it shows) on this thing, practicing nepotism, Richard puts his son Bodhi in as the Viper gang member, Booger and this was Full Moon’s first theatrical release since most of all of Band and company’s releases were straight to video or cable. I couldn’t find the box office take on this thing, I imagine it wasn’t that big of take.

I don’t want to spoil too much but the people who get killed by the “Shrunken Heads” become zombies who don’t kill and eat people, they pick up litter, clean graffiti off walls and help old ladies across the street. Yep this visual white noise is insane, some are gonna see this as a mess, this is damn beautiful mess son and I enjoyed every damn minute of it. I wasn’t bored like I was at Marvel’s “Endgame”, I kept looking down at my phone wondering when this bloated, overripe, CGI enhanced piece of shit was gonna end so I could go to the taco shop outside the mall. Flying, killer, “Shrunken Heads”, what more can you ask for?

Meg Foster as Moe above.

Meg Foster from “They Live”. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Anyways if you want to watch the Shrunken Heads of murdered children attack and kill gangsters go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/Iblt2X3JUkW3/

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Visual White Noise Theater: Rated “PG: Psycho Goreman”.

Kids, I am really fucking sick of CGI over saturation, if you comb through my posts one thing that disqualifies a movie in my mind forbeing awesome visual white noise is over reliance on CGI when it should be a tool. That is why I don’t like a majority of super hero movies, it becomes too much and I can tell its fake. Now I know I sound like that crazy old man that lives down the street, yells at you for throwing your baseball by accident in my yard and curses at the clouds. I don’t care, yeah I am old and will continue to have mostly old man tastes. I am damn sick of movies that have no punch and have stupid fucking ridiculous CGI monster battles at the end. I will pick a SOV (Shot on Video) movie like “Black Devil Doll from Hell” anytime over CGI saturated Marvel shit like “End Game”. So whenever I hear that somebody is doing a movie with mainly practical effects I get rock hard and jizz in my jeans. “PG: Psycho Goreman” made me sticky down stairs.

Every kid’s dream is to be able to command a killer alien, which is pretty much the basis of the movie. Psycho Goreman is exiled to earth by a council of aliens because he destroys whole populations and planets. Two kids find PG’s gem which makes kids the master of him, when the council finds out he is awake they want him dead. Pretty cut and dried, and all those aliens are made by hands not on a fucking computer. Latex, rubber, red corn syrup, animal entrails. Burn baby burn.

“PG: Psycho Goreman” has kid actors in it, of course that will turn off a lot of my followers since most kid actors can be fucking annoying and ruin a movie. In my opinion these kids don’t, the girl who plays Mimi (Nita-Josee Hanna) is “freakin” hilarious (watch the movie you’ll get the “freakin” part). How I found out about this movie was I was a huge fan of the film collective “Astron 6” their special effects expert on their short and feature length films was a man by the name of Steve Kostanski, whose previous special effects work was on the  the great “Manborg” (director also), “Father’s Day”(director also), “The Editor”, the awesome, Lovecraftian “Void” (director also) and “Leprechaun Returns”(director also), granted all of his movies have a smattering of CGI but in almost all of his movies its mainly practical effects and in “PG: Psycho Goreman’s” case, as well as “Manborg’s”, stop motion. Anybody who uses stop motion these days goes in the gold book.

This movie is really fresh off the boat, it hasn’t even rotted yet and it doesn’t stink. As of today its a couple months old, truth be told I don’t know how to describe this movie, I’ll take a shot at it, its like a cross between 1990’s era “Power Rangers”, “E.T.”, “The Guyver” and one twisted Rob Zombie music video. This movie is just fun and while a lot of you will get really mad at the jokes and throw your cheap beer at your big screen TV, I was rolling all over the floor laughing. This movie made me happy, sometimes I want something that makes me think, be angry, be sad etc. Then there is movies like “PG: Psycho Goreman” that are just fun and stupid.

Take it from Steven in this interview with Mashable: “It’s mostly inspired by my experiences as a kid, I grew up in the video store, constantly going to rent movies with my family every weekend. There were a lot of scenarios where I would rent movies that were not suitable for kids, and so ‘PG’ is a bit of me working through some of those traumas.” Gotta love childhood trauma. So get traumatized and think me later.

To get hacked to pieces by alien god go here (and yes you have to pay for it, dammit, more visual white noise like this needs to be made): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwDGB214hM8

If you want to get physical like I prefer (and I will end up eating your soul) go here: https://www.amazon.com/Brooks-Alexis-Hancey-Nita-Josee-Hanna/dp/B08Q9VZRDV

The full mashable interview here: https://mashable.com/article/pg-psycho-goreman/

Update: “Psycho Goreman” is available in blu ray!!! Highly recommend going over to the distributor, Raven Banner, and picking up the limited edition sets of the movie, I got the one with the action figure and there is one with an O card here: https://ravenbanner.store/search?q=Psycho+Goreman