Tag: b movie

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Visual White Noise Theater: Happy “New Year’s Evil”!!!

Well, everybody is saying that 2021 will be better than 2020, yeah uh I’ll believe it when I see it. Anyways, this bit of visual white noise will at least put you off to a good start, “New Years Evil”!

Yeah yeah this is your typical early 1980’s slasher, a guy gets pissed that every woman, including his wife, are being “bitches” and starts taking them out. He had a traumatic experience when he was younger and he was put into an insane asylum. Again a typical slasher, except this slasher has New Wave music, the New Year’s event is hosted by Diane Sullivan (played by Roz Kelly) whose son and husband, Richard Sullivan (played by character actor Kip Niven) are pissed at her. The Shadows and Made in Japan play at the New Years event, where a guy with a voice modulator calls into the radio request line saying he is gonna kill a person in each time zone as the year changes over.

The police race to stop him, you start wondering if the son and/or the husband is doing the crimes to get revenge on her. Not many horror films take place around New Years Eve, the other ones I can think of off the top of my head are, “Bloody New Years” and “Terror Train” all nutso entries. For a slasher film it has little nudity, most slasher films you can expect flopping tits and voluminous southern carpets. Not so in this one, you can see the top of the tit of one of the chicks in the car smoking a joint while her boyfriend feels her up.

This…

Leads to this…

So is this worth your attention? Yep. Not the best out of the roster of early 1980’s slasher films, but its still a 80’s slasher film and that is better than most of the shit that passes for “horror” these days. Another thing, it was put out by independent, 1980’s exploitation machine, Cannon, which means this bit of noise takes no prisoners and reigns in the New Year in style. “New Year’s Evil” played at Quentin Tarantino’s New Beverly Cinema in LA on December 29th, 2018 which says a lot, and I am not a fan of everything Quentin does. Well its New Years Day as I write this, if you want a New Years movie watch it here (hate youtube but you can watch it here): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMzXP6Scndo

To all who read this, hope the next year is better for you and everybody else.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Nazi “Elves” (1989) will ruin your Christmas. Boo hoo hoo.

Incest. Fried MILFS. Nazi Elves. A drunk Santa. Yep you got a family holiday movie, so gather around children, its time to enter the yuletide joy that is “Elves”. Some girls do a anti Christmas, Pagan ritual in the forest, one of the chicks cuts herself thus summoning an evil Nazi Elf who wants to breed with her because she is pure and he wants to take over the world, not if drunk Mall Santa, Dan Haggerty, has anything to say about it.

Exhibiting the acting prowess of a tree, Dan Haggerty of “Grizzly Adams” fame, plays a former detective turned drunk mall Santa who takes on neo nazi agents and the forces of evil “Elves” in league with them. What to say about this movie… Well I couldn’t find much on it at all, “critics” seem to abhor this movie but to me “critics” are butthurt because almost all of them are failed movie makers and writers that sit and criticize others who actually go out and take a chance making these insane pieces of art. The Siskel and Ebert types only like uppity, boring and tepid crap so I don’t take seriously anything they say. I am the only critic I trust, I know that I sound hypocritical because my blog is a bit of a critic type thing, difference is I won’t review things that waste my time or yours. If something sucks so bad I feel like I wanted to slash my wrists consuming it, I won’t share it here.

This movie is sleazy, I mean it just drips off the screen, its dirty and it isn’t nice. A kid spies on his sister taking a shower and when she catches him he tells her he likes looking at her big tits, teenage throats get slashed, heads get shot by Nazi agents, an Elf attempts rape, the same Elf drops a toaster into the bath tub of the well endowed mother of the main character (the mother is played by Deanna Lund of “Land of Giants” fame, the grandfather in this movie had sex with his own daughter to create a girl of pure blood that the Elf could rape to spawn a race that would take over the world etc.) You know the usual stuff that happens on Christmas.

Apparently the movie had a limited theatrical release and was released later on VHS in 1994. This was a surprise, I literally thought that this was a direct to video affair, the version I have has a trailer for another movie “Alien Seed” aka “Alien Abortionist” that stars Eric Estrada, which I will review later, which was put out by the same company, AIP, who put out “Elves”, this AIP is not Roger Corman’s “American International Pictures” but “Action International Pictures” the name is a shameless rip off to get people to think that Corman put this stuff out. Of course I could see Corman putting something like this out.

Dan Haggerty seems to play the same character in everything I have seen him in. Doesn’t bother me, in fact, I light up whenever I see his name on anything. Normally, Dan makes movies my grandpa would like, except for “Elves” all grandpas will hate that one. But they’ll like Haggerty’s other work like “Repo Jake” and “One Man War”, a little skin, cars exploding and guns killing people. “Elves” goes too far into weirdo territory with magic gems that kill evil Nazi Elves, and daughters fucking their dads, though there is people who get shot in the face and there is a car that explodes with Dan rolling out of it (more like his stunt man).

Every Christmas holiday I watch this thing. I look forward to it, it turns the whole “horror Christmas” thing on its head, instead of having a lunatic Santa running around chopping up teenagers because he saw his mom fucking his dad dressed as Santa as a kid, you have a ex detective who got fired from the force for being a drunk becoming a mall Santa and kicking Nazi Elf ass. There is no official release of this nor do I think it will ever get one, its so sleazy and so filthy I love weird stuff like this. I wasn’t bored one god damn minute and you won’t be either. Every scene is a jaw dropper. “Elves” drop kicks Christmas into oblivion.

So if your bored of the usual Christmas fare I say turn yourself onto this, just clean up after your done, Jesus, what do you think this is? One of those porn booths you do your nasty business in and leave the mess for the janitor with the fake leg to clean up? Oh and Merry Christmas motherfuckers. Here is Noisepuncher’s present for you, hope it uploaded properly and this version has the “Alien Seed” aka “Alien Abortionist” trailer, something to look forward to: https://www.bitchute.com/video/8E7XwisYQ0xR/

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Short (S)hit List: Double Feature!!! “Electric Flesh” and “Joanna Died and Went Hell” (1996), what a Brummer!!!

Time to get disturbed, so disturbed you end up in a padded room with a special jacket. It will be a “Brummer” but you will enjoy every fucking minute of it.

Both these twisted shorts are directed by Eric Brummer, this stop motion ain’t for kids. Eyes pop out, clay gets shot, women go topless, industrial metal music screams in the background, winged skulls cackle in glee and you know your in for it. It looks like these shorts were shot back to back.

First off, “Electric Flesh” is shot in color, it has a semi plot of clay zombies attacking live action women, the rest is skull fuck imagery of robots, heads coming apart on stakes, and skulls with wings.

It is short and sweet, if this had carried on for an hour it would’ve made me angry and want to pour water all over my external hard drive. This is the type of stuff my generation, Gen X, used to churn out in the 1990’s, a lot of them tried to be “edgy” and “nihilistic”, of course a majority of experimental “underground” shorts were up their own ass, pretentious, uninteresting, puerile garbage but there was shorts like these also, the more coal there is, the more diamonds your likely to find which is why I didn’t mind this proliferation of underground stuff back in the day.

So with “Electric Flesh” I was driving at 100 mph, now time to shift into super fucking HIGH GEAR.

“Joanna Died and Went to Hell” starts out with this “There once was a young girl from Nantucket who took too many pills and kicked the bucket”. This girl descends into hell and is kidnapped by “Dark Strangers”.

Shot in black and white this thing is actually effective. I remember first watching this years ago on video tape, it was late out and dark. I was a little high and drunk but it creeped me the hell out, of course watching it now I am not as creeped out. It looks like “Hell” was filmed in Brummer’s one bed room apartment.

Again Brummer mixes live action with stop motion. In Jack Sargeant’s “Cinema Contra Cinema” book Eric Brummer said this about set design, “You can take any space and make hell out of it by sprinkling body parts all over the place and writing “Hell” on the wall.” HA! HA! Yep that sums up the set design of “Joanna Died and Went to Hell”.

Joanna gets loose from her bonds and finds a gun on one of the corpses and shoots the S and M leather demons who don’t die but become clay zombies. I love this fucking short, you get to see Joanna’s tits at the beginning, the horny thirteen year old in me loves that. Stop motion and tits make everything better.

The winged skull from “Electric Flesh” makes an appearance as a demon who wants a special box, he tells Joanna if she gets the box for him he will transport her soul to another realm and… watch the damn thing I don’t want to ruin it for you. Experience it for yourself and move down the page to the link.

“Joanna Dies and Goes to Hell” is a more cohesive short than “Electric Flesh”, in fact, Brummer later went on to do a full length of his “Joanna” short called “Debbie Does Damnation” (see it here: https://www.noisepuncher.net/2021/06/07/debbie-does-damnation-1999-and-i-wish-she-would-do-me/ ) it was produced by Donald G. Jackson who did “Hell Comes to Frogtown”. Brummer did one more “regular” short before plunging dick deep into porn, what a Brummer (sorry I can’t help myself I know you are wanting to punch me in the throat for my puns). Guess the tits weren’t enough, in fact, there is rumors there is a hardcore version of “Debbie Does Damnation” but I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. Anyways, there is really no online info on Eric, he doesn’t have a site that sells stuff but he still directs, produces and acts in porn. Anyways to watch both these disasterpieces go to:

https://www.bitchute.com/video/3OOGMduzFnCy/

   Don’t get Brummed out.
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Visual White Noise Theater: Wanna play…”Possum” (2018)?

We’ve all had that crazy uncle, you know the one that tells bad jokes when he is drunk, gives you noogies, gives you a nickel by pretending to pull one from behind your ear, the one that verbally and psychologically abuses you and spanks your bare…what?! Yes that one.

The atmosphere of this visual white noise is cold, wet, dark and dreary, it seeps into your bones and settles there for a very long time. I am really weary of watching modern horror movies, I am fucking sick of re makes, cheap jump scares, too clean of a picture, overuse of CGI etc., you know, fucking shit like “Annabelle” and “Insidious”. I want more in my horror movies, “Possum” delivers a knock out punch. Its pretty much a two man show between actors Sean Harris and character actor Alun Armstrong (who you’ve seen in almost everything). Sean plays Philip who is puppeteer that got fired from a kid’s show and he lives with his uncle (Alun) and has lived with him for years after his parents died. The acting from both is superb, from Sean the hurt and constant confusion in his eyes and from Alun a bully who mainly uses psychology and verbal attacks that inflict more abuse than anything physical.

They are both puppeteers and puppet makers, Philip has a spider puppet with a human head he calls “Possum” that goes missing for periods of time and comes back, Philip tries getting rid of it, dumping it in the forest, burning it etc. It keeps coming back, meanwhile, a local boy who got off the same train as Philip goes missing and the community suspects Philip. His uncle needles him about it and rubs it in accusing him of the disappearance of the boy.

Written and directed by Matthew Holness the guy who wrote, directed and acted in the great “Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place” TV show, the movie is based on one of his short stories. This movie is more of a psychological horror movie. The puppets are reflections of puppeteers and their psyches, there is other characters in the movie but their really minor to the two main characters. Holness has said his inspirations for the film were old British Public Information films, George Romero’s “Martin” and German expressionist films, all those influences can be seen in this thing. The dark and dreary atmosphere is also its own character in the movie, the house they live in is dirty but it isn’t cluttered, books and papers sit neatly in stacks which, for some reason unnerved me even more, it was as if the uncle was trying to mask his insanity behind the clutter being orderly but you could still see it was clutter, the uncle presented himself as sane but he was anything but. I don’t want to spoil it for you if you haven’t seen it.

So where does one play “Possum”? Well, for one if you have amazon prime you can watch it there, there is also other “Pirates in the ocean” that can help you if you get my drift. I’d say reward the creator by buying his movie. This movie shows there is still a lot of good horror movies out there, you just have to know where to look. Wanna play “Possum”?

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Short (S)Hit List: Dawn of an Evil Millennium 1988

Ever seen a twenty minute trailer? Get ready because here it comes…in your face. Visual white noise, time to get the descrambler.

Shot on super 8 by Damon Packard in 1988 and made for film school as a trailer to a 18 hour movie, this thing has small cameos from Miles O’ Keefe (Ator) and Ronald Lacey (Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, he played creepy dude with glasses who has the best face melting scene ever). This “trailer” is 20 minutes long, two words, FUCKING INSANE.

This short film doesn’t disappoint or bore, its like a strange horror/sci fi hybrid with frenetic pacing, jump cuts, pitch shifted voices, neon explosions, super imposed space ships, sped up footage and vomiting of liquids of various colors. I stumbled upon this when going through that external hard drive my buddy gave me of strange short films.

So a demon comes to earth to conquer it in the year 1999, the demon splits in two, one is good and the other is bad. The bad one drives a super powered 1970 Olds Mobile and two cops are after him. Not much makes sense in this thing and it can become disconcerting, all this made me creeped out by it on the first watch. Its original and it is trying to parody the straight to VHS movies of the time, on further watches I was chuckling. This is one all noise addicts need to watch. A cornucopia of madness made by desperate people.

To check out go to: https://www.bitchute.com/video/QisLKkSKCRks/

Damon is still active he has a youtube channel, don’t like to link to youtube because I don’t like them but I do like Damon and I like the fact the dude is still working and hasn’t given up: https://www.youtube.com/user/pookie67/videos

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Haunted School/Gakko No Kaidan” (1995)

So you go into the abandoned wing of your Japanese school, you hear strange knocks and howls. What do you do next? So do you turn around and walk out the door, turn to page 15 or do you go and investigate the strange noises, turn to page 63. If it were me I would turn to page 15 but none of these kids will do this.

So first the sister of one of the characters goes into the abandoned wing and becomes lost, her brother comes looking for her and some of the bad kids are in there where their not supposed to be because that is what bad movie kids do. Their teacher comes looking for them and all hell breaks, a giant girl chases them, a hairy demon with Slimer’s personality makes fun of them, skeletons, and dissected frogs jump at them.

This is a kid’s movie, make no mistake about it. One of my friends called it a cross between “Ghostbusters” and “Goonies”, of course I’d say its more of a “Goosebumps” type tale, the effects, ghosts and monsters were top notch. Damn I really enjoyed this movie, most kids movies I have watched are boring and too sentimental, this one balances the horror with sentiment perfectly.

The movie was done by Toho, the giants who helped push Godzilla into our collective consciousness. This will stomp around in your head like that overgrown lizard. You can watch this with your kids if your kids don’t get bored with sub titles. There was moments that made me laugh, made me sad, made me jump and made me roll my eyes, the eye rolling was kept to a minimum. Apparently this made a lot of yen at the Japanese box office back in the day, 2.55 billion to be exact which is 19 mill in US today’s money.

So in closing to find this baby on DVD you’ll have to go to Japanese amazon and ebay. If you don’t want to go through the trouble, go here:  https://www.bitchute.com/video/USaoF3K4mhrb/

Good luck and don’t go into any abandoned school wings where a girl drowned in a pool or else you’ll get eaten by oversized janitor man insects.

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Short (S) Hit list: Hospital Brut 1999

Don’t want to fry on acid? Afraid your gonna do a Diane Linklater dive off a skyscraper thinking that you can fly and the only “scraper” you’ll get is when they peel you off the pavement?! Look no further than the semi short “Hopital Brut”!!! Grrrrr…

Made by the French outsider artist collective, Le Dernier Cri, featuring outsider artists from all around the world from what I can tell “Hopital Brut” is taken from a actual art magazine the collective publishes with numerous contributors.

Some of these artists that are featured in this thing have only painted or drawn pictures and comics, this the first time that I’d seen their art work animated. People like Stu Mead in the gif above and Mike Diana.

As you can see keep kids far away from this, unless you want your kids traumatized for their rest of their short, miserable lives. “Hopital Brut” is visual white noise that may cause epilepsy in some. Every type of animation is utilized in this thing, as well as live action segments, it jumps around a lot and has a loose theme of a insane asylum, the thing is very VERY loose with the theme. The jumping around can be very disconcerting, that is a warning to you.

I found out about this thing because a buddy of mine who collects weird short films gave me a external hard drive full of them. I watched this thing and my jaw dropped, at times it veers into the dangerous “pretentious up its ass” territory but then it cuts right back into horrifying you and making you laugh so hard milk squirts out of your nose (or whatever other liquor your drinking at the time).

If you want to trip balls without windpanes here you go: https://www.bitchute.com/video/scTXDDtdinX4/

Give Le Dernier Cri some love and buy some of their bat shit insane art: http://www.lederniercri.org/catalog.html

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Visual White Noise Theater: “Das Buch Der Blutigen Geschichten” translated “The Book of Bloody Stories” aka “Bloody Curse” 1987-1991

Alright folks, time to choke some German sausage down (that didn’t sound gay) made of Han Solo figurines, Barbie Dolls, black laser shooting zombies, drooling demons, burnt action figures and tons of red corn syrup. Sure some will say its bad for you but it tastes great going down and will most likely give you a heart attack.

Directed by Michael Kahlert and made over the span of 1987-1991 this is stop motion mayhem, a German gore movie made with figurines and miniature castles, its like a demented German kid decided to make a stop motion movie destroying his own figurines. I enjoyed every damn minute of it too.

I found out about this insane turkey reading about it in “Bleeding Skull”. Joseph Ziemba put it in one of his “Best of..” lists of 2013. So I set out to find yet another needle in a haystack. I am one of these people that loses sleep over stupid shit like obscure movies, books, music etc. I don’t lose sleep over politics, money, work etc. which shows you where my priorities are. The title “The Book of Bloody Stories” wasn’t popping up, even with its German title in any search engine. So in desperation I hit up Joe not expecting any response. He responded.

Zombie black laser attack!!!

Joe directed me to a web site called “Video Screams” and it was under the “The Bloody Curse”. That was one cool dude, normally when I ask people where I can find something I get no response or snark. Joe was very helpful, “Video Screams” is pretty awesome, they have a lot of stuff you aren’t gonna find elsewhere. Check them out and they have a search function on their web site. I’ll post the link at the end of this post.

Manikin head destroyed!!!

There is no spoken word dialogue any dialogue is shown with cards in German, no translation. I know a little German and the plot goes something like there is a cursed castle in Northern England called Gortswill where the owner lured two students into the basement and killed them. Apparently Satan built Gortswill and haunts it, numerous people have gone into Gortswill stop the evil only to be chopped up, burned up, decapitated or eaten by Godzilla demons. Background music is cheesy Casio synths and Library classical music.

Ka Pow!!!

So is this worth your time? Is it worth the money? Will it make you angry at me? All three will be answered with “yes”. I loved this world, it was like a train wreck, I couldn’t look away and you won’t be able to either. Some of you might fall asleep to this, some of you might sigh really deep and roll your eyes, some will smash their dvd/blu ray player to pieces, some will cream their pants. I did. Scroll down to “Bloody Curse” in the Extreme horror/gore section, get it…http://www.videoscreams.com/CONSOLIDATED%20MINI%20CATALOGUE%202013.htm

Joseph Ziemba 2013 Exquisites list with”Das Buch der Blutigen Geschichten” translated as “Book of Bloody Stories”. http://bleedingskull.com/exquisites-2013-josephs-films-of-the-year/

In closing this bit of white noise for the eyes is one hour fifteen minutes of stop motion insanity made over a period of four years and that is admirable. Stop motion requires a ton of patience, I know, me and my buddy had to make a stop motion movie for our grade in the elective class at my Junior high. Five minutes was how long our movie was and it was torture, I can’t imagine doing one that lasts an hour and fifteen.