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Short S(hit) List: Triple Shot to the Face “South Mill District” (2018), “Teratomorph” (2019), and “Variant” (2020)

Ten years after the “Alien Wars”, Eon Corp is experimenting with splicing human with alien DNA, and we all know when it comes to B movies that isn’t a good thing to do, things go wrong. And they go disastrously wrong in this series of short films from Joe Meredith. I get the feeling Joe is a metal head who wanted to make his own films, sink or swim, so he grabbed a digital camera and with some friends from the local community college who are trying to major in special effects made these short films, the longest short film of this series being forty minutes.

With his limited resources he creates a apocalyptic future that is really believable. With its “Cinema Verite” filming style, scummy surroundings and angels with broken faces type amateur actors (most of which are Joe’s family and friends) it reminded me a lot of “Gummo”mixed with “Alien”. He has made something unique here, all of these films are fast watches and their at the right running time. Some film makers don’t know when to stop, Joe knows his world works better when it gives short and powerful jabs instead of long and hard (hee hee I typed long and hard) punches. For the budget, time and materials he created some pretty bad ass monsters and aliens.

If you cum in your pants every time you see stop motion like me, then these films will have your pants sticky in no time. Not many film makers, mainstream or independent, use stop motion anymore. Joe isn’t afraid to and in fact said in a interview he was a fan of Eric Brummer who did the stop motion short classics like “Electric Flesh” and “Anna Died and Went to Hell” (all of which I have reviewed on my blog). Seeing any type of practical effects in modern movies makes me very happy.

“South Mills District”, the first short film in this series, follows two homeless guys trapped in a quarantine zone due to a man made alien virus, one of the homeless guys is an ex soldier who fought in the war. Tentacled monsters and corpses abound, this is around 25 minutes long and it packs a lot of power in that short time. “South Mills District” got me hooked and wanting more. That is where the “Teratomorph”, the second short film, came in.

“Teratomorph” clocks in at around 33 minutes and starts off with a kid poking a melted corpse near a river. It seems the alien virus has spread outside the “South Mill District”. The kid’s parents are nowhere to be found (probably eaten by aliens or taken over by the virus). The kid is all alone, eating junk food, living in a abandoned room in an abandoned school, and nails the doors and windows shut. He leaves occasionally to find food and other things, in his searches for food he comes to a weird house full of old Victorian pictures, a short circuiting android head, and a alien with three skulls for a head in a Victorian dress with tentacles which attacks him…well I will leave it there, don’t want to ruin it all for you.

This brings us to the third short film “Variant” which is 40 minutes long and shows the alien virus spreading through the whole country. There is a tentacle rape scene, a pissed off hillbilly saying he is gonna shoot all the medical tyrants at EonCorp, Fulci like zombies eating people, industrial plants on fire etc. Again Meredith films a bleak and destroyed world, the locations he picks to film are abandoned places and buildings. 

 There is not one lick of CGI in this whole thing which makes me so god damn fucking happy. All of it is beautiful, I can smell the corn syrup blood, latex and rubber. I really dig this stuff and if your a fan of any type of practical effects this will be right up your alley.

This stuff was birthed into existence from the ground up with very little money and bare hands, that isn’t done too often these days and when I see that it gives me hope that there can be a future for cinema. My oft repeated and old man opinion is that CGI should be a tool to use when there is no other option, too many films pour on the CGI and to me its a weakness and path of least resistance. Just pour on shitty computer graphics that everybody can tell are fake and you will pull in audiences.

You can easily watch all three of these short films back to back and have a full feature, not a three hour snooze-a-thon but a quick and awesome hour and forty minutes. So dive into the “shot on digital” apocalyptic world of Joe Meredith. I hope Joe has more up the sleeve of that band shirt of his, I’ll be snapping those up when they come out.

So your asking me where can I watch this? On youtube? Your bitchute channel? Nope you can go give Joe some greenbacks and support him and his mission to bring further madness and art to the world by going to: https://joemeredithart.storenvy.com/products

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Visual White Noise Theater: Re “Possessor” (2020) of bodies.

Identity Crisis. Confusion. Body Changes. Mind Melding. Sounds like a Cronenberg flick, and you’d be right about that except this is a different Cronenberg, this is sonny boy Cronenberg who is a chip off the old block. Brandon takes after his old man in all the right ways, I am very picky about new and modern films. I rely heavily on people, and web sites I trust who have the same tastes as me to point me in the right direction. I am not a movie snob who only watches flicks from 1910’s to the early 1990’s (well that is mostly what I watch but take from that what you will) There is still good films and film makers out there, you just have to search them out. “Possessor” proves that beyond a reasonable doubt, I rarely post negative articles about things because if it wastes my time I don’t in turn want to waste yours. Money you can get back, time you can’t unless you have a time machine that can make you younger and take you back in time, if you have something like that drop me a line. Anyways I am going off on a tangent here, maybe a “Possessor” has taken over my body, that would be a good excuse for some of the shit I write on here.

Andrea Riseborough (who played Mandy in “Mandy”) plays Tasya Vos who works for a shadowy agency whose clients hire them to take over the minds of certain people who get forced mind implants for various reasons, and then the person with the implant is made to commit suicide by the person who takes over their mind via a machine. This all smacks of “Videodrome” to me. Problem is, as the assassin takes over different minds the assassin starts to lose their bearing in their own body and their own reality starts to deteriorate. Tasya Vos’ handler, Girder (played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, if you don’t know who she is you should have your head examined) is concerned about Tasya’s attachment to her family and  slow mental deterioration. Despite this she agrees to take a job killing a CEO, John Parse (played by Sean Bean, again you know who he is don’t bullshit me, he’s been in everything) by taking over the boyfriend of his daughter. I am just gonna leave it there. Things go shit whack crazy really fast, your gonna be mind fucked so hard you won’t be able to think straight for a week. It will call into question your perception of yourself, reality and the universe, yeah that was pretentious and yeah I typed that. I can be pretentious sometimes too. Anyways, I recommend this one, this one is relatively new, Brandon did one other movie before this that I want to check out called “Antiviral” about people who buy the viruses of famous people and get infected by the disease their heroes were infected by. Again “Antiviral” seems to play with different identities.

 

You can watch this on Amazon Prime. I’d highly recommend it, Brandon isn’t completely like his dad but he is very close to the good things. Can’t wait to see what else this guy has in store for the future.

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: There is only one, “Dwarr-Holy One” (2000)

Picking one song from Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid” album, that song being “Planet Caravan”, and stretching it across a whole album takes brass balls and Dwarr has them alright.

This album is way different from anything I have heard, this was Dwarr’s comeback album after years of being away from the music scene. I probably should’ve reviewed this one first and not his next album “Times of Terror”. The “Holy One” and “Times of Terror” are hard to find, his first two, “Starting Over” and “Animals” are easier to find but now that the mighty Dwarr has his own web site up you can order CDs, T shirts and bandannas. Dwarr is a musical genius, a one man band, on his records he plays every instrument. This album is different from all of his other output which is pretty crazy and different doom metal. This album is hard to classify, like I said its as if he took the song “Planet Caravan” by Black Sabbath and put it in a blender with Hawkwind. Boom! You got “Holy One”.

“Holy One” is full of Dwarr’s genius insanity, weird time changes and signatures all over the place, sax and flute solos, and wailing synths. Christian lyrics dominate this album, along with Dwarr making his vocals less Ozzy and more like a wavering vapor ghost. This has got a more space rock/psychedelic/experimental metal feel to it, with Dwarr you can always expect “genre” to be turned on it’s head. He does “Doom Metal” his way and as you will hear on this album.

Don’t let the Christian lyrics turn you off if you aren’t religious, the lyrics actually add to the strange atmosphere of the music and if you dismiss this stuff because of the religious bent you are missing out. So drop by Dwarr’s web site and drop some wampum on him. He is a true original.

To pick up the album get it here:

https://dwarr.com/

  To preview listen go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/TFkDAwMHkEKJ/

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White Noise on Papers: “Object Compendium” of your affection.

The hey days of the comic magazine for adults, “Heavy Metal” art wise, were the 1970’s and 1980’s. You opened the then current issue of “Heavy Metal”, skipped the pretentious, wanna be “Rolling Stone” type column and reviews that were written by the then snobby up his own ass hipster editor Lou Stathis,  to artwork that would explode out of the page and hit you full in the face. That art had power and one of these days I will do a post on “Heavy Metal” I have all the issues from the first one, to the most recent one. While its still good, it doesn’t reach the heights of the days of Moebius, Suydam, Corben, Druillet etc. so what does this have to do with the book “Object Compendium” by Kilian Eng? I’d say that Kilian is the heir apparent of Moebius and those old masters of abstract, dark fantasy. This book is like opening an old issue of “Heavy Metal” I want more.

The book was put out by “Floating World Comics” based out of Portland, OR. They publish underground art and comics, I highly recommend looking at what they have if your into the weird and different spectrum of art. And thank God they decided to compile Eng’s art work into books and finally all those books into one big book. The books that are compiled into this one are “Objects 5, 10 and 15” all of which ran out really fast and you can see why. Eng’s artwork is a rocket ship taking you into different, strange, dark and beautiful worlds. This actually includes work not featured in the books collected. Its nice and large, hard bound, it can also be put to practical uses like smashing spiders and throwing it at your annoying neighbor’s head when he plays Jimmy Buffet’s “Cheeseburger in Paradise” for the hundredth time on his shitty stereo (not speaking from experience *wink* *wink*)

I spent at least an hour perusing this book trying to drink in every strange detail. His art is cryptic, one can spend a long time looking into each picture trying to solve a puzzle. The forward, written by Chris Jalufka, says Eng really has no social media presence, good for him, if he can pull off promotion without pandering to every Tom, Dick, Harry and Sally more power to him. He is Swedish and a graduate of Stockholm’s Arts and Crafts university, Konstack. He designs and does art for commissions, video games etc. Originally he wanted the “Object” books to have cryptic pictures of a fictional crime scene in a different world. He gives no narrative structure for his art he wants you to come up with your own ideas and conception of what his art is representing.

When I found out Eng’s favored choice of medium is “Digital” I was surprised. Most digital art I have encountered is flat, soul less and too clean. Eng’s isn’t. His artwork carries on the burden of Moebius and Druillet, strange, dark, puzzle worlds to get lost in. Opening this book was like when I first opened an issue of “Heavy Metal”, buxom women, explosions, violent color and weird aliens, I’d never seen anything like that in a “comic book” up until that point when I was a youngin’ which was a long time ago, get the hell off my lawn dammit! In fact, Eng has done work for the current issues of “Heavy Metal”.

I love when there is no explanation for a piece of art or a comic, you come up with a reason why something is happening in the piece in your own mind. People are going come up with tons of different interpretations: “Its symbolic”, “Its psychological”, “Its nonsensical”,  “Its beautiful”, “Its stupid”, “Its ugly” etc. Eng forces you to do that with his pieces.

This visual white noise is worth de scrambling. And if your a fan of the old “Heavy Metal” Moebius you should most definitely pick this up. Eng gives me hope for the future of art, a lot of young artists who are coming up are combining the old with the new. I discovered this artist combing “Floating Comics” web page looking for stuff to burn all the money in my bank account. All the “Object” books were out of print at the time and I went on ebay and got “Object 10” to find out that all the books were gonna be released in “Object Compendium”. One of these days I will put “10” up on ebay for collectors. Anyways to find out more about Eng’s work go to his instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/kilianeng/?hl=en

Here is where to buy it: https://floatingworldcomics.com/shop/art-books/object-compendium-works-by-kilian-eng-preorder

 

 

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: “Times of Terror” (2003) will rain down upon your head!!!

“Outsider metal”. When you see that word you think “weird”, “crazy”, or some “lone lunatic who thinks he/she is a genius and nobody else thinks or plays like them”. At least that is what comes to my mind when I think of “Outsider Metal”, none personifies that more than the South Carolina madman, Dwarr, or Duane Warr whose been churning out “one man band” metal since the early 1980’s, most of it in the doom/psychedelic metal vein but you haven’t heard doom metal like this, guitar solos flying out of nowhere, drums all over the place, vocals drifting in and out, sometimes vapor like, sometimes howling Ozzy like, Dwarr’s music has to be heard to be believed. The story is no different on his 2003 release “Times of Terror”. 

Not only does he play all the instruments, he painted the crazy cover, the Chimera from Revelation chasing a guy who looks like my uncle who likes to golf and bowl on the weekends. So if you aren’t aware of Dwarr I should give a little background on this guy. His first couple of albums “Starting Over” (1985) and “Animals” (1986) are underground/outsider metal classics. The first album is more psychedelic metal, imagine a album full of songs that are slow, druggy, dreamy and bizarre. The story goes that he “borrowed” instruments from the local high school, horns included to do this album and he played all the instruments.  “Animals” is straight up Sabbath worship played with Dwarr’s signature style, guitar all over the place, syncopated rhythms and Ozzy vocal wailing, the title track was based upon a dream he had of man animal things attacking him. There was a rumor that he thought demons were speaking to him through his records that he burned them all. He said that that was false that he only burned some. For awhile he gave up music because he thought it was a devil’s game, he came back to it later, way later as in 2000 with the album “Holy One”. Which I will review sometime.

The white noise I am reviewing now is the next album after “Holy One” which is the “Times of Terror”. I’ve got to warn you, the lyrics are religious and pro Christian but if that turns you off from the insane weirdness, vibe and timings in this album I don’t know what to tell you, I’d say your really missing out. Dwarr has got his own vision of what music is and what religion is, this monster is something I can listen to on repeat. Its just so damn bizarre. While the Ozzy worship in the vocals is apparent, the playing and how the instruments interact with each other are all over the place. The first track “Times of Terror” is a 30 minute, doom metal epic with manipulated vocals divided into different parts “Trumpets” (has synthesized trumpets), “Times of Terror”, “Traps and Pits”, “Angry Waves”, “Evil World”, “Die Like Flies”, “Days of Death”, and “America” has lyrics like “America, land of the free, what have you done with your father’s faith” with a strange whiny synth line between the crazy out of control solos, thick bass and drums, the songs “Harmony” and “Tears You Cry” feature a flute. Dwarr doesn’t give a fuck, he plays music the way he likes.

While I had the first two “classic” albums I had a hell of a time finding “Holy One” and “Times of Terror” so I searched for his name on google. I saw a real estate agent by the name of Duane Warr in South Carolina, I wondered if this was the same guy. I shrugged and e mailed his AOL account (didn’t even know AOL existed anymore). I got a response almost instantly, yep, it was THE Duane Warr, he was selling houses and he said that his wife was setting up a web site that would sell shirts, CD’s and bandanna’s and that it should be ready soon and to be patient with it. He was a completely cool dude, I would check to see if his web site was up once in awhile for the longest time it wasn’t, I figured maybe it would never be up. Then I got a e mail from Duane who told me the site was up I went instantly over there and got a shirt, and the two CD’s I’d been looking for. Duanne e mailed me again and told me I forgot to choose the T shirt size. I already could tell this guy was fucking cool. So yeah, if you like your music weird, insane, different, crazy etc. Dwarr has got it all in spades, and he does have a message, that religious message makes his music even more weird and unique. Do yourself a favor and go buy something from him, he might record another album (cross fingers): https://dwarr.com/

To listen preview the album (buy the fucking thing) go to: https://www.bitchute.com/video/aDO7AvDFPYv8/

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Visual White Noise Theater: Happy “New Year’s Evil”!!!

Well, everybody is saying that 2021 will be better than 2020, yeah uh I’ll believe it when I see it. Anyways, this bit of visual white noise will at least put you off to a good start, “New Years Evil”!

Yeah yeah this is your typical early 1980’s slasher, a guy gets pissed that every woman, including his wife, are being “bitches” and starts taking them out. He had a traumatic experience when he was younger and he was put into an insane asylum. Again a typical slasher, except this slasher has New Wave music, the New Year’s event is hosted by Diane Sullivan (played by Roz Kelly) whose son and husband, Richard Sullivan (played by character actor Kip Niven) are pissed at her. The Shadows and Made in Japan play at the New Years event, where a guy with a voice modulator calls into the radio request line saying he is gonna kill a person in each time zone as the year changes over.

The police race to stop him, you start wondering if the son and/or the husband is doing the crimes to get revenge on her. Not many horror films take place around New Years Eve, the other ones I can think of off the top of my head are, “Bloody New Years” and “Terror Train” all nutso entries. For a slasher film it has little nudity, most slasher films you can expect flopping tits and voluminous southern carpets. Not so in this one, you can see the top of the tit of one of the chicks in the car smoking a joint while her boyfriend feels her up.

This…

Leads to this…

So is this worth your attention? Yep. Not the best out of the roster of early 1980’s slasher films, but its still a 80’s slasher film and that is better than most of the shit that passes for “horror” these days. Another thing, it was put out by independent, 1980’s exploitation machine, Cannon, which means this bit of noise takes no prisoners and reigns in the New Year in style. “New Year’s Evil” played at Quentin Tarantino’s New Beverly Cinema in LA on December 29th, 2018 which says a lot, and I am not a fan of everything Quentin does. Well its New Years Day as I write this, if you want a New Years movie watch it here (hate youtube but you can watch it here): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMzXP6Scndo

To all who read this, hope the next year is better for you and everybody else.

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White Noise on Paper: What a bunch of “Garbage Pail Kids”.

As a little kid I had to hide these stickers from my parents, hell, I wasn’t the only kid. Me and my friends in elementary school had to trade these to each other in secret, that is until a teacher’s aid snuck up on us while I traded a “Glooey Gabe” for a “Micheal Mutant”. We were sent to the principal’s office, the principal was disgusted and our parents were called in. “Garbage Pail Kids” we’re beyond the pale (sorry couldn’t help my corny self). My parents weren’t too happy I was spending my allowance on these things, they were promptly thrown away which made me want to get them even more. Through the years I’d stumble on them, yeah they were juvenile, yeah they were disgusting and yeah this blog wouldn’t exist without the “Garbage Pail Kids”. My parents were right, they did corrupt me and I am happy about it. I was even more happy when “Abrams Comic Art” publishing decided to put out a book compiling all the art from the stickers, I was like a little kid again. A few Christmases ago my mom sent me a small wrapped gift, I opened it and it was a stack of vintage “Garbage Pail Kids” stickers she had found on one of her thrift store hunts, in the note she put “Now your old enough to have these.” HA! HA!

The forward written by the creator and main art director, Art Spiegelman, future creator of the underground comic “Maus” and the underground comic magazine “Raw” was art directing “Whacky Pack Stickers” at Topps cards at the time. Topps couldn’t secure the rights to “Cabbage Patch Kids” stickers so they made parodies, “Garbage Pail Kids”. Spiegelman had got the idea for them from older and disgusting precursors like “Slob Stickers” and “Ugly Stickers”. Needless to say they took off.

James Warhola, Andy Warhol’s nephew, worked on the art as well as various underground cartoonists who went on to do more work. To see more of the artwork I had to go over to my cousin’s house whose mom, my aunt, was an ex hippie and a little more loose with the rules in her house. That is how I was able to view movies I otherwise couldn’t see in my religious household, my cousin, who was my same age and my older cousin, his brother, collected them, they had them in a hard back spindle binder behind plastic holders. Cards with names like “Hairy Gary”, “Joe Blow” and “Disgusting Justin”.

Of course this made us make up our own names for cards and we ended up drawing (poorly I might add) our own characters. Our dirty minds came up with “Hormone Harry” which was a drawing of a “Garbage Pail Kid” with his eyes bulging looking at a Playboy, his tongue lolling out and something else south of the belt buckle bulging. As the years went on my mind got confused and I literally thought this was a sticker, in fact when I bought this book I thought that they were missing some. It isn’t missing any stickers, these were ones me and my cousins made up, my cousin had to remind me of this. Boy am I getting old.

Lets not forget the art on the back of the cards which was done by German underground cartoonist, Tomas Bunk. Who would’ve thought these little disgusting stickers, hated by parents would become fine “art”. The people who say their “fine” art need to drink Drano, their not “fine”, their low brow, mean, nasty and not politically correct, which means they are the right kind of art. My art. Art that doesn’t give a fuck, that is the way art should be. Apparently the original art goes for mega bucks on ebay. 

The afterword is done by one of the artists who worked on the cards, John Pound. He mentions how in the early 2000’s Topps put out a new series of “Garbage Pail Kids” stickers, haven’t come across or seen any of them. Wonder if they hold water to the originals. People also tend to forget the “Garbage Pail Kids” (1987) movie which I will review in the future, I didn’t see that until like four years ago. Yeah its shit, but I am watching it again, its mindbogglingly disgusting and bad, with crass humor and adult sexuality, it has a PG rating, that is the 80’s for you. So in closing this bit of visual white noise is a must for anybody, visceral and good to have around to piss off your more offended friends or enemies. The Pail Kids don’t give two fucks, get this static in your life, the book’s cover is made of the same paper you used to unwrap your cards and stickers from. To get it go to: https://www.amazon.com/Garbage-Pail-Kids-Topps-Company/dp/141970270X/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=Garbage+Pail+Kids&qid=1609445296&s=books&sr=1-2

So enjoy your garbage, noise freaks.

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: “Incredibly Strange Metal” that stopped living and became mixed up music.

I like any band or group that goes out of their way to find the upper limits of white noise and push music across boundary lines, people who break the “sound barrier” so to speak. Granted some of the results aren’t the greatest but I like people who take risks with little skill and in the process birth into existence something twisted, original and new. When it comes to metal I love the experimental end of the spectrum, the weirder and more twisted the better, bands like Mr. Bungle and John Zorn’s Naked City make my day, I approve of any band that tries something different in their genre. This comp documents that music. Granted some of this stuff isn’t “metal” but more “hard rock”, but these were bands who tried to sound a certain way but ended up putting their personal stamp on the sound. Foreign bands in particular, especially the ones behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War, only heard Western music via pirate radio and renegade European and American military radio signals and then interpreted that sound their way behind closed doors for fear of being arrested by the secret police.

From what I have gathered from the now defunct “Obscuro” blog,  this was compiled by “The Corroseum” blog which is still around, a company in Europe, “Lust Fungus”, put this out in 2002 on CD R. The cover apes the book and CD covers of the “Incredibly Strange Music” series put out by the “RE/Search” crew. Boy did they unearth some white noise, weirdness track number one features the Russian band Oblachnyi Kraj with “Sazhaj Korneplody Uyrschlvag Luk!” A stomping, psychedelic metal number with ripping guitars and swirling keyboards and shouted lyrics, your off to a rip roarin’ start, like a batch of bad acid. The next two tracks are by the elusive Damien Storm,  “Frakenstein’s Castle of Sorcery” starts with what sounds like a Halloween sound effects record playing in back, out of tune guitars and Damien trying to hit Dio vocal highs but cracking, “Realms of Destiny” follows the same formula, I get the impression the guy plays all the instruments on his albums like the awesome Dwarr. Tracks Quadro and Cinco are done by a Nepali hard rock band called The Crisis based out of Katmandu, and boy do they wear their foreign influences on their sleeve, both tracks “Kolahal Ma” and “Maya Boki Aau” carry strange tunings and timings, very exotic sounding, wish I could find the full length album, it isn’t anywhere for sale, even on discogs.  The next two are done by Belgian hard rock band Kuster and boy oh boy, I was rolling on the ground laughing hard when these two tracks hit my ears, “All A Live” and “Love A Bit”, this is a band attempting to sound like 1980’s era Ozzy Osbourne, but they lack the skill and come out sounding like Black Flag era “Slip It In”, that is not a bad thing either, the singer is completely out of time and tone deaf, I love this fucking band, their full length is a god damn ripper, more hardcore punk with a metallic edge even though they call themselves “hard rock”. Next up is a one man band (HELL TO THE FUCKING YES!) Exmortes who attempts to sound evil and mysterious as the first wave of black and death metal bands of those days, again the guy doesn’t have the skill, all he seems to do is repeat lines of lyrics, he doesn’t even sing, and it sounds like he is reciting the lyrics through his pillow while the same see sawing riff plays in the back with a drum machine, it has to be heard to be believed, both songs “Forced to Be Silent” and “Creed of the Eternal” are mishap masterpieces, I searched out and found all of his output which really isn’t that much. Everybody hates Exmortes, I am not one of them. Next up on the list is Drakar with “Tunelem Zpátky” the cascading, snarling riff gets stuck in your head, the singer isn’t in tune with the riff and the vocals are manipulated, another good oddity out of the Czech Republic. Following that is Morsure, with the song “No Moral” that features shouted punk French vocals again out of sync with the rest of the music over thrash guitars, bass and a blast beat drum machine, the band’s full length “Acceleration Process” is pretty awesome, the same craziness with some songs having a Motorhead vibe to them. A comp of bizarre, left field metal wouldn’t be complete without the Italian doom band Black Hole and their song “Blind Men and Occult Forces” slow and plodding metal with a whining synth organ in back and vocals trying to hit highs but not succeeding, find their full length “Realms of Mystery” with crayon created cover, lovely weirdness all over. The Runaways, yes the same all girl proto glam punk band featuring Joan Jett and Lita Ford, try to do a metal song called “S-P-E-E-D M-E-T-A-L”, the song is anything but speed metal, its a hard rock number that isn’t fast and leans more towards the punk side of things, but since its The Runaways its a must listen. Who’s next? The Russian band Legion with the jaw dropping “Hold On” the song starts as a straight ahead death metal tune then descends in to female jazz singing, swinging jazz bass and guitar, the type of song you’d hear in a sleazy and smoky lounge in Las Vegas, I love this fucking tune, this is sure to piss off a lot of Death Metal purists, who cares, fuck em’. And then we charge straight ahead into Torn Flesh with their self titled track, a religious thrash band whose singer sounds like he is gurgling marbles and a “clean” singer shouting about Jesus dying on the cross, the guitars and drums are all over the place. A must listen, just like their follow up track “Gay Rights?!” Complete with lyrics like “Its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”, the same marble vocals and a annoying and snarling riff with shouted background vocals, then a barking dog getting hit with a shoe. Yep you heard that right, God damn or should I say “Gosh damn”. Next up to bat is the Czech lunatic Svaty Vincent with “Krucifix”.  Svaty is another unique individual that has his own vision of what music should be, in this case its experimental black metal, riffs, bass, guitar and synth going in all directions while he shouts in Czech like a demonic maniac, I have posted his hard to find live self titled debut album here https://www.noisepuncher.net/2020/12/13/all-hail-svaty-vincent-1990/

A kid’s metal band? Is that what you want? Hell yeah! Give me my “Transformers” sippy cup. This band is Secret Metal with “The Cop”, so apparently in the late 1980’s in Sweden a youth group decided to have their members record a comp album with New Wave, Punk and Metal tunes, that album is “Girls and Boys Helge 87” which I will get around to posting about one of these days, “The Cop” is a track off that album. Siren and shooting sound effects, out of tune guitars, drums that fall down stairs and kids singing about running from the police and getting shot, tracks like these make comp albums like these a must have. Want more on your plate? Then you got “Lester Maddox” with “Egypt (The Chains Are Off)” this song is a slow plodder with a exotic Egyptian riff that picks your brain and says “Remember Me” and you will, truly “Strange Metal” and genre fucking at its best. Want dessert? A burned, tough to eat dessert? Here come the South Americans Parabellum with “Madre Muerte” is black metal, out of tune brutality, primitive, mean, nasty, this last track is a mess… a beautiful mess, what a way to go out with a nuclear bomb. BOOOOOM!!! So what the fuck are you waiting for? Do you need anymore urging? Give this son of a bitch a listen, noise addicts, you’ll be glad you did. https://www.bitchute.com/video/QHR2lumPIvO5/

The people at the defunct “Obscuro” blog put out two more of their own “Incredibly Strange Metal” comps where the links are dead. I might do those also in the future.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Nazi “Elves” (1989) will ruin your Christmas. Boo hoo hoo.

Incest. Fried MILFS. Nazi Elves. A drunk Santa. Yep you got a family holiday movie, so gather around children, its time to enter the yuletide joy that is “Elves”. Some girls do a anti Christmas, Pagan ritual in the forest, one of the chicks cuts herself thus summoning an evil Nazi Elf who wants to breed with her because she is pure and he wants to take over the world, not if drunk Mall Santa, Dan Haggerty, has anything to say about it.

Exhibiting the acting prowess of a tree, Dan Haggerty of “Grizzly Adams” fame, plays a former detective turned drunk mall Santa who takes on neo nazi agents and the forces of evil “Elves” in league with them. What to say about this movie… Well I couldn’t find much on it at all, “critics” seem to abhor this movie but to me “critics” are butthurt because almost all of them are failed movie makers and writers that sit and criticize others who actually go out and take a chance making these insane pieces of art. The Siskel and Ebert types only like uppity, boring and tepid crap so I don’t take seriously anything they say. I am the only critic I trust, I know that I sound hypocritical because my blog is a bit of a critic type thing, difference is I won’t review things that waste my time or yours. If something sucks so bad I feel like I wanted to slash my wrists consuming it, I won’t share it here.

This movie is sleazy, I mean it just drips off the screen, its dirty and it isn’t nice. A kid spies on his sister taking a shower and when she catches him he tells her he likes looking at her big tits, teenage throats get slashed, heads get shot by Nazi agents, an Elf attempts rape, the same Elf drops a toaster into the bath tub of the well endowed mother of the main character (the mother is played by Deanna Lund of “Land of Giants” fame, the grandfather in this movie had sex with his own daughter to create a girl of pure blood that the Elf could rape to spawn a race that would take over the world etc.) You know the usual stuff that happens on Christmas.

Apparently the movie had a limited theatrical release and was released later on VHS in 1994. This was a surprise, I literally thought that this was a direct to video affair, the version I have has a trailer for another movie “Alien Seed” aka “Alien Abortionist” that stars Eric Estrada, which I will review later, which was put out by the same company, AIP, who put out “Elves”, this AIP is not Roger Corman’s “American International Pictures” but “Action International Pictures” the name is a shameless rip off to get people to think that Corman put this stuff out. Of course I could see Corman putting something like this out.

Dan Haggerty seems to play the same character in everything I have seen him in. Doesn’t bother me, in fact, I light up whenever I see his name on anything. Normally, Dan makes movies my grandpa would like, except for “Elves” all grandpas will hate that one. But they’ll like Haggerty’s other work like “Repo Jake” and “One Man War”, a little skin, cars exploding and guns killing people. “Elves” goes too far into weirdo territory with magic gems that kill evil Nazi Elves, and daughters fucking their dads, though there is people who get shot in the face and there is a car that explodes with Dan rolling out of it (more like his stunt man).

Every Christmas holiday I watch this thing. I look forward to it, it turns the whole “horror Christmas” thing on its head, instead of having a lunatic Santa running around chopping up teenagers because he saw his mom fucking his dad dressed as Santa as a kid, you have a ex detective who got fired from the force for being a drunk becoming a mall Santa and kicking Nazi Elf ass. There is no official release of this nor do I think it will ever get one, its so sleazy and so filthy I love weird stuff like this. I wasn’t bored one god damn minute and you won’t be either. Every scene is a jaw dropper. “Elves” drop kicks Christmas into oblivion.

So if your bored of the usual Christmas fare I say turn yourself onto this, just clean up after your done, Jesus, what do you think this is? One of those porn booths you do your nasty business in and leave the mess for the janitor with the fake leg to clean up? Oh and Merry Christmas motherfuckers. Here is Noisepuncher’s present for you, hope it uploaded properly and this version has the “Alien Seed” aka “Alien Abortionist” trailer, something to look forward to: https://www.bitchute.com/video/8E7XwisYQ0xR/

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White Noise on Paper: Plunge spheres deep into “Sin-A-Rama”.

In a used book store you walk by titles like “Watership Down”, “The Hobbit”, “Fried Green Tomatoes”, “Satan was a Lesbian”, “Martian Chron…wait what? You go back, pull “Satan was a Lesbian” off the shelf in it’s plastic wrapper, the lurid cover is a illustration of an leather momma beating the hell out of a coat and tie little wimp with a whip. Whats the price…what? Thirty fucking dollars for a book from 1966? Heart in your throat its either you eat and drive home on a full tank of gas, or you buy this book, drive home hungry and almost hit the empty on the fuel gauge. Whelp, hungry and empty  fuel tank it is. “Sin Rama” is the book that gives the history of those weird, creepy, perverted, unsettling and hilarious soft porn books of the 1960’s and their lurid covers. Put out by the king of weird publishing, “Feral House”.The first part is dedicated to the history of the soft core paperbacks of the 1960’s: the fly by night publishers, the authors who wrote under 100’s of pseudonyms and the artists of the lurid, goof ball covers. In fact it was the covers that normally sold the books, normally the stuff in between the covers was amateurish, stupid and ridiculous. The laws were still strict against pornography so they really had to tiptoe around a lot of talk about genitals and sexual intercourse.

A good amount of the authors went on to write under their real names and became successful, Robert Silverberg and Maron Zimmer Bradley are some names that might sound familiar who started out writing these things. The soft core adult paperback industry gave authors just starting out a chance to make some money and most of them wrote these things on typewriters. Some of the fly by night publishers who put these books out were run by mafia types which isn’t a surprise. Artists like Gene Bilbrew and Eric Stanton did the covers, got paid very little and went under assumed names. Gene Bilbrew was black and a rarity among cover artists, his covers in particular really jump out. Eric Stanton is known as a fetish, leather artist.

Books like these kind of piss me off, not because their boring but because they make me look for the titles in the book, I call books like these “Wallet Emptiers”. Again, another obsession I can’t afford, I have a few soft core 1960’s titles which I found on Abe’s Books, other used book web sites and used book stores, they aren’t cheap either. “Sin A Rama” collects these covers and interviews the authors still alive who put out these pulp novels.

Reading these is the equivalent of watching low budget, sleazy, softcore 1960’s B movies, movies put out by the likes of Doris Wishman and Russ Meyer. Their a hoot, and a laugh and they aren’t 500 pages long or in movie length speak, two and half hours long. Its fast food reading, not healthy but boy is it good going down. Sometimes I’ll pick up one of these books and read a random passage. I always get a chuckle.

This is a beautiful book it has slick pages and its in full color, the interviews  are really interesting and it gives a breakdown of what the industry had to deal with: pissed off judges, puritan cops and hypocritical moral guardians going after books that are child’s play compared to what is in a young adult novel these days. The authors had to be more creative when talking about sex, which makes the dialogue and some passages hilarious.The visuals were the main selling point and the goofy titles. “Sin A Rama” is a must have for visual white noise fanatics. Get your paws on this thing, I was glad to have found it in a used book store. Feral House always does a good job on their books “Adam Parfrey, RIP”. This thing is good to have lying around when you have visitors, it causes laughs, scoffs and conversation. This is something that will brighten your life and that is always good.

To get a copy the best place would be amazon, and Feral House released a expanded edition which I will need to get and it can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Sin-Rama-Expanded-Paperbacks-Sixties/dp/1627310282/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Sin+A+Rama&qid=1608751353&s=books&sr=1-1

So plunge spheres deep into “Sin A Rama”.