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Its Show Time!!!: “Cartoon Sushi” 1997-1998

This is a new feature where I watch a TV show that is visual white noise, not static but noise to people who don’t get it. “Cartoon Sushi” is one of those shows. Made in 1997-1998, the period when Mtv was slowly being eaten by its own uncreative stupidity via shitty fucking shows like “The Real World” and other “reality shows”. “Cartoon Sushi” was the awesome “Liquid Television’s” retarded step brother to some, to me it had a lot of promise. When I found out that Mtv was gonna attempt to put out another animated short compilation type show back on TV I was overjoyed. Sadly, it didn’t last too long, it got eaten by the “Reality TV” juggernaut and soon all of Mtv would be completely devoured by it.

Mtv in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s looked around and realized they had to keep their edge. Sure they were on top playing music videos and back in the day they played anything and almost everything to see what would stick to the wall. The 1980’s zines and underground independent comics were bubbling underneath the mainstream surface, the public to a bigger extent and Mtv to a lesser extent ignored that bubbling through most of the 1980’s. But the sheer amount of kids who listened to rock and metal music were buying “Heavy Metal Magazine”, “Weirdo”, “RAW” and other like minded magazines, they were also ordering xeroxed zines. The underground was like a festering infection that was about to explode so Mtv wanting to remain on the cutting edge took the initiative and in 1989 put “Liquid Television” on Mtv, and the festering boil popped and geyser of puss erupted into pop culture consciousness. Now as a junior high kid “Liquid Television” blew my eyes out and skull fucked my brain, at least on TV it was unlike anything I’d seen up until that point.

Eventually I will do a “Its Showtime!!!” on “Liquid Television” but I watched this successor because the external hard drive my buddy gave me had a bunch weird and strange shorts and when I saw that “Cartoon Sushi” was on that hard drive, I jumped out of my seat. This, along with “Beavis and Butthead”, re runs of “Ren and Stimpy” gave me hope that Mtv would stomp down on all the reality shows that were starting to inundate TV. Of course I turned out to be dead wrong. “Cartoon Sushi” only lasted two pilots none of which I ever saw, eleven episodes, and two specials. It lasted one year and the experimental part of Mtv had a stake put through its heart, had its head cut off and the corpse was burned. Soon all music would be gone too. Fuck Mtv.  However, both “Liquid Television” and “Cartoon Sushi” reminded me of the comics compilations I had picked up in my small hometown candy, booze, magazine, comic’s store, George’s Liquor or visits to comic book stores in bigger towns and cities. As I’ve said before, unless the super hero comic was done differently and creatively (like the original, violent and sexual “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” and “Spawn”) I wasn’t interested, “Heavy Metal”, “Weirdo”, “Blab”, “Zero Zero”etc. were more up my alley. Both shows embodied that anarchic, insane, creative streak.

“Cartoon Sushi” was made up of shorts either made for the show or shorts that appeared in various animation festivals, like “Liquid Television”. The show keeps your interest because various animators use different forms of animation, some will use stop motion, some will use computer animation, some will use puppetry, regular animation etc.  The show was created by Danni Antonucci, (Danny did the title animation for “Cartoon Sushi”) who would do go on to do “Ed, Edd and Eddy”, Keith Alcorn who would do the “Lil’ Puss” character featured in “Cartoon Sushi”, and developed by Eric Calderon who still develops and produces animation til this day.

Various animators and people who worked on “Liquid Television” ended up doing work on “Cartoon Sushi”. People from “Cartoon Sushi” would end up using it as a spring board to do bigger things (realize I didn’t type “better”). Dave Hughes who did the “anime satire” segment on “Cartoon Sushi” entitled “Ultracity 6060” would go on to develop, produce and create a bunch of shows for “Adult Swim” chief among them “Off the Air”, a collection of shorts centering on one concept or idea an episode, Hughes has given credit to “Liquid Television” and “Cartoon Sushi” for this inspiration, Matt Harrigan who also worked on “Ultracity 6060” would also go on to work for “Adult Swim” mainly creating and developing “Fish Center” they both worked for Mtv’s animation department back in the day.  Christy Karacas whose awesome ink and paper, crazy ass animation short “Space War” blew my mind when I first watched it went on to do “Superjail” for “Adult Swim” you can see the rumblings of the insane and off the wall antics that would prevail in “Superjail”.

John R. Dilworth who did the “Dirdy Birdy” shorts for “Cartoon Sushi” would go on to do various projects, chief among them “Courage the Cowardly Dog” for “Cartoon Network”. Paul Berry whose short “Sandman” would be showed in various festivals and in the “Cartoon Sushi: Halloween Special” would go on do animation for “Nightmare Before Christmas”, “James and the Giant Peach”, “Monkey Boy” and Primus’ awesome stop motion video for their cover of Charlie Daniel’s “Devil Went Down to Georgia”. Lorne Lanning would contribute a computer animated short “Oddworld: Abe’s Odyssey” and would expand the world in his “Oddworld” video games. Michael Dougherty would contribute “Season’s Greetings” a animated short that showed the first appearance of his Halloween character, Samhain, would feature in his live action movie “Trick R’ Treat” (2007) and he’d also do the Christmas themed horror movie “Krampus”. Eric Fogel’s “Celebrity Death Match” would be featured first in “Cartoon Sushi” with a match between Charles Manson and Marilyn Manson, the refree would be voiced by real life boxing referee and judge, Mills Lane who would get his own court type show eventually, the popularity of the segment would lead to “Celebrity Death Match” getting its own show and showing more celebrities demolish, mutilate, burn, kill and slash each other. 

Another animator, Bill Plympton” who still does tons of stuff would do the ridiculous “Sex and Violence” segments in “Cartoon Sushi”. Like “Liquid Television” there was some continuing segments like “Ultracity 6060”, the “Robin” segments done by Magnus Carlsson who did music videos for Radiohead,  “Science Facts”, “The Many Deaths of Norman Spittal”, “Celebrity Death Match”, and the aforementioned “Sex and Violence”. The majority of the material isn’t connected, the breadth and difference in material keeps this show interesting. Some of the material was taken from “Spike and Mike’s Twisted Festival of Animation” and other places.

So in closing, “Adult Swim” and a lot of off the wall and absurd, nonsensical humor came straight for the rotting, stinking womb of “Liquid Television” and “Cartoon Sushi”.

So you ask yourself, “Where the hell is the Sushi bar? I can’t seem to find it anywhere, no proper physical bar, a couple of dishes on youtube, what gives?” I’ll tell you what gives here and sorry, couldn’t get episode five up, the file was completely corrupted and is nowhere to be found anywhere, the pilots and two specials weren’t on there and I can’t track them down. There is one place that sells bootlegs and looking at the list they don’t have complete episodes, take it or leave it here:

Episode 1: https://www.bitchute.com/video/u1y2GhwozrIt/

Episode 2: https://www.bitchute.com/video/pSMZBDMjFBy9/

Episode 3: https://www.bitchute.com/video/WGGcnSULO7Ar/

Episode 4: https://www.bitchute.com/video/DYiRAJcHRjTr/

Episode 5: Sorry file corrupted and can’t find it anywhere.

Episode 6: https://www.bitchute.com/video/MyjWiI5YFkhz/

Episode 7: https://www.bitchute.com/video/irhuT8wQNHAA/

Episode 8: https://www.bitchute.com/video/4n3Js5U4dSBF/

Episode 9: https://www.bitchute.com/video/8dQWxbdGSfRi/

Episode 10: https://www.bitchute.com/video/bQlYXMlvve1d/

Episode 11: https://www.bitchute.com/video/fe8iCX7YpX7G/

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Visual White Noise Theater: Your “Nothing But Trouble” (1991)

So taking the usual horror plot of city slickers getting lost in the sticks and being captured and tormented by inbred, mutant, red necks a la “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Deliverance etc. Writer/director Dan Aykroyd turns the usual horror plot on its head throwing in a huge dash of cartoonish absurdity, dark humor and incomprehensible insanity. This movie stink bombed theaters back in the day but you know me, I don’t give a shit what audiences thought or think about a piece of white noise, I leave that up to myself. Digging this piece of coal out of the ground I found a diamond and I am most definitely gonna look at this diamond more than once. “Nothing But Trouble”, that title made it easy for “sticks up their asses” critics to make fun of the movie. To me watching this was no trouble at all.

Chevy Chase plays Chris Thorne who decides to drive his neighbor, a lawyer Diane Lightson, played by a hotter than hell Demi Moore to visit one of her clients who is stealing money from her in Atlantic City. Chris’ clients, a Brazilian heir and heiress brother and sister, Fausto and Renalda Squiriniszu played by character actors Taylor Negro and Bertila Damas respectively tag along. On the way to Atlantic City, Fausto and Renalda want to stop off somewhere to have picnic which Chris doesn’t want to do, they hound him into pulling off somewhere with trees, they end up in the rural New Jersey turnpike town of Valkenvania and Chris drives past the speed limit unknowingly and he tries to out run the cop car that has jets on its back but has to give up when another cop, Miss Purdah, played by another character actor, Valri Bromfield, is on the road blocking it with her car and a sharp shooter rifle. They are ultimately taken in by Officer Dennis Valkenheiser played by the awesome John Candy and they are brought before a 106 year old judge, Alvin J.P. Valkenheiser, played by Dan Aykroyd, in disgusting make up, when he finds out Chris has something to do with finances Alvin hates bankers and investors he drops Chris and his crew through a holding cell to be tried the next day. They overhear another group of people who got speeding and they were also caught with drugs, the druggies are sentenced to go through the “Bonestripper” roller coaster where their stripped of their flesh. The group knows they need to get the hell out of there.

“Nothing But Trouble”s art design and sets are jaw dropping, a bizarre collection of junk, scrap metal, manikins, retro toys, retro magazines and other knick knacks give the feel of a junkyard carnival. In fact, I’d say the whole aesthetic of the movie is what gives it its extra punch. It is in no way scary, but it will have you on the edge of your seat and you will get laughs. This won’t have you peeing your pants in fear or make your teeth chatter, this is the type of harmless dark comedy that 1944’s “Arsenic and Old Lace” perfected so well. Its goofy and screwball brought to the early 1990’s with a dash of classic Warner Brother’s Cartoon humor.

Both John Candy and Dan Aykroyd do double duty playing different characters. Not only does John play Dennis, he also plays Dennis’ sister Eldona who wants to marry Chris and the Judge, in exchange for Chris’ life, insists on this. John Candy in drag equals hilarity. Dan not only plays the judge, he also plays his mutant inbred grandson, Bobo whose twin brother is Lil’ Debbull played by John Davieikis, Diane falls into their inept and childish clutches, these two characters wouldn’t be out of place in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, even the voices. The classic Hip Hop (not a fan but cool nonetheless) group Digital Underground make an appearance, complete with a young Tu Pac. Digital Underground gets pulled over for speeding but let go by the judge because he digs their music but he makes them stay to play the wedding music for Chris and Eldona’s forced wedding. This movie is early 1990’s to the fucking core.

This script came from an idea from Dan’s brother Peter who was pulled over for speeding in a podunk town in New Jersey, Peter felt like he was in a kangaroo court, got fined fifty bucks but was invited for tea by the Justice of the Peace after his trial, he was at the dude’s house for four hours! Not to mention Dan and Pete took their producer buddy Robert Weiss to a screening of “Hellraiser” to take his mind off of a rib injury he just had, they heard the audience laughing at the movie and got the idea that audiences wanted to be scared and laugh at the same time. Boom! “Nothing But Trouble” sprang into existence. The movie was originally titled “Valkenvania” but the studio changed it to a line in the movie “Nothing But Trouble”.  The movie went over five million plus bucks budget wise, but that didn’t help it any, it only grossed 8.4 million at the box office while the budget was 40 million over all, back in the day it croaked really hard.

The usual stick in the muds in the lamestream media savaged the shit out of it and it got Razzies. It didn’t help that Chevy Chase was a raging dick head on set berating the staff and fellow actors but what else is new? Apparently legendary fantasy/sci fi artist was commissioned to do the poster art but I’ve never seen it and I don’t think it was ever used. So should you give this movie a chance? I say HELL YES!!! On this blog I will only review noise both audio and visual I find interesting, makes me think, entertaining etc. I will never waste my time or yours on stuff that completely sucks. This movie is in that weird vein of comedy mined by “Beetlejuice”, “Cabin Boy”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”, “Freaked” etc. back in the day. Go mine the hell out of it yourself.  

To mine it go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/jmsBzByJHSSo/

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Visual White Noise Theater: Want to be “Censor”(2021)-ed?

Awwww, the Satanic Panic of the 1980’s, a time where behind every nook, cranny and corner of the world there was black robed Devil worshipers who would rape, impregnate you and than kill your baby for Old Scratch in front of you. On both sides of the pond this was a new witch hunt hysteria, but the US at least had a bit of a shield in the first amendment. While certain stores and rental places here in the US got raided, they were normally raided in rural areas and Bible Belt type cities, there was no national censors (though Tipper and her gals tried) to edit out sex and violence in movies on a nation wide level. In jolly ole’ Britain it was another story, in England, first amendment rights were and are very flimsy, this led in the early 1980’s to the “Video Nasty” crack down where films like “Cannibal Holocaust” and “Evil Dead” were censored or outright banned. People who had uncut videos or banned videos had their businesses and lives destroyed, over a fucking video. This the period that “Censor” takes place in and follows a school librarian marm type, Enid (played by Niahm Algar) as she puts the hammer down on gore, violence and sex in the movies to keep Britain safe from moral rot, however she has a dark past herself.

Directed by Prano Bailey-Bond off her short film, “Censor” blurs the line between reality and dark fantasy, a lot like “Bavarian Sound Machine” and  “Saint Maude”. Enid is playing with her sister, Nina and the sister disappears, she doesn’t remember what happened and her parents seem to blame her for her sister’s disappearance, while watching a movie “Don’t Go in the Church” by director Fredrick North she sees a woman who looks like a grown version of her sister, she goes to find out more about the director and the actress. Things get worse when Enid feels guilty for letting slip a movie where a man eats the face of his victim and in real life a man murders his family and eats the face of his wife, the media and public blame Enid which sends her further into a mental downward spiral. The movie is a bit slow as it builds but soon you realize that Enid’s reality is falling apart, this movie will confuse a lot of people and there is a lot of people out there who hated the ambiguous plot and ending, but those people don’t get it and I am not gonna spoil it for you.

Suffice it to say, while “Censor” on the surface deals with censorship and the free speech issues and all that it entails, it also goes deeper in how we censor our own memories and feelings to survive in reality. The human mind is very suspect when we remember things and memory is very faulty, we “edit” or “cut out” stuff distressing, traumatic or bad in our pasts. This movie deals with that and how when it is taken to an extreme degree it can be dangerous to the individual and the people who surround them.

There is parts where the violence and other situations are over the top and where you start to wonder where fantasy is bleeding over into reality, this is pretty much a character study of Enid. A woman who “censors” and puts in “new scenes” in her own memories. Sometimes it seems this movie agrees with the censorship, some of the scenes where the violence happens seem to be taken from the very “Video Nasties” Enid is censoring and they seem to be influencing her perception of reality, something the moral guardians here in America and Britain of the right and left were claiming about sexually explicit and violent content. Of course it was probably dark satire and parody of that point of view.

It also goes into “Videodrome” territory, something the director admits influenced her. If your one of these people who hates movies that make you think and don’t like clear cut endings than avoid this movie. You won’t have good time watching it, if you don’t mind putting on your thinking cap and experiencing something this movie is for you. I enjoyed it and I will never ever get sick of the 1980’s flash back movies, I read laments, bitches and criticisms of this trend, while some fuck it up badly some do good with it spectacularly, “Censor” is one of those movies.

Some of the color schemes in the movie, especially near the end are Bavaesque and show the wavering of reality in Enid’s damaged mind. I am not giving anything away but it will leave you wondering, did Enid kill her sister and mercifully forget? Did she see her sister die and mercifully forget? Did she tell her sister to “Don’t Go in the Church” and her sister did and something bad happened that she mercifully blanked out? Are her parents protecting her? Covering for her? Well watch it and make up your own mind, the clues are there and giving you my opinion would spoil it. So go watch it on Vudu, youtube, amazon prime etc. at a price, or you could find some pirates in the bay, just don’t tell them I sent you. 

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On the band wagon: Venom rip offs.

This will be a new feature where I will review a whole band’s catalog or anything that is band related. This will be my first one on the rip offs of the almighty band, VENOM. The original, filthy, offensive, Satanic, black metal band they were the progenitors of extreme metal, without their mangling of heavy metal into lo fi, punk terror you wouldn’t have death metal, thrash metal, black metal, grindcore etc. “They” being Cronos lead “singer” and bassist, Mantas on guitar and Abbadon on drums.  Of course Venom didn’t take themselves seriously, and their “Satan worship” was more like the costumed, cowled followers in a Hammer horror film. To many Venom was a band that represented what not to do in a metal band, play sloppy, use cheap equipment to play and record yourself, and sing like your vocal chords were shredded by drinking acid. That being said Venom’s blackened speed metal, proto thrash, metal punk sound will get into your head, if you listen to them long enough you’ll catch yourself humming “Angel Dust” without consciously doing it. So as the godfathers of extreme metal, there has been a lot of bands who have tried to rip off or sound like Venom, most fail because they aren’t Venom. Eventually I will get around to doing a “On the band wagon” on Venom’s discography, so right now I am going to do the top bands that do the best ripping off Venom.

  1. Whipstriker

Straight from the wild lands of Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, Whipstriker is a newer band that takes no prisoners and they also sound like Venom reincarnated if you ever wished that the old, classic line up of Venom would’ve recorded more stuff, than this band will be up your dirty, needle strewn alley. Viktor Whipstriker sounds almost identical to Cronos and the other guys in the band emulate the down n’ dirty sound and recording techniques that Venom used in their heyday. The difference between Whipstriker and Venom is Whipstriker won’t sing about Hell and the Devil in every song. Whipstriker will go into “crust punk” territory with songs about war and destruction. And some of their songs are more hardcore punk and crust punk than straight up blackened speed metal. So if you want an almost exact copy of Venom, Whipstriker is your band.

2.Warfare

Rising from the ashes of punk bands Blood and Angelic Upstarts, drummer and lead vocalist (rare combo) Evo wanted to take his punk sound in a more metal direction. Out of all the “Venom rip off” bands, they are the ones that fucking kill, but they just aren’t a rip off, they play dirty, record lo fi, and shred vocal chords, they don’t sing about the devil, they mainly sing about war and street violence, they take no prisoners they were also on the same label as Venom, Neat, which is known for signing “New Wave of British Heavy Metal” i.e. NWOBHM but Venom and Warfare sound nothing like their label mates. Their one of the few bands that could balance metal and punk without tipping into either one. Venom and Warfare aren’t “thrash bands”, too many people make that mistake, they could be labeled “proto thrash”, they play too sloppily and don’t have a lot of guitar breaks, their “solos” are mostly technically deficient. That is why I love this fucking band. In fact, Warfare’s three classic albums “Pure Filth”, “Metal Anarchy”, and “Mayhem Fucking Mayhem” were produced by Algy Ward of Tank, Lemmy from Motorhead and Cronos of course from Venom respectively. Suprisingly Evo says he wasn’t inspired by Venom at all and thought they were stupid, even though Cronos produced their third full length and they also did a collaboration on the last song on “Pure Filth”, the dirty and nasty “Rose Petals Fall From Her Face”. They aren’t the only ones on this list who downplay or outright say they weren’t influenced by Venom. I figure back then people were embarrassed to even be associated in any way with them. Search out Warfare, their first three albums and EPs kill, I am almost a bigger fan of them than Venom.

3. Amebix

Considered the “Godfathers of Crust Punk” Amebix mixed Killing Joke post punk, with Sabbath Sludge, Motorhead Speed and First Wave of Black Metal nastiness. Amebix, especially on their best album “Monolith”, sounds like Venom with slower tempos, Baron, the lead singer sounds very close to Cronos’ “gargle with acid and razor blades” vocal style, their sound is down, dirty, but sludgy, slow and eerie. They didn’t sing about the Devil at all but their lyrics were more occult and anarcho politics. They also set themselves apart from the other punks by dressing in black and carrying around books by Aleister Crowley. Baron had denied that Venom had in any influence on them whatsoever, another band disavowing or being embarrassed by Venom, sorry Baron, all one needs to do is listen to your music and look at this picture to show that your full of shit.

Baron, lead singer of Amebix, caught red handed with the Venom “Nightmare” EP when he said Venom didn’t influence Amebix whatsoever.

4. NME

Teenagers bored with life in Tocoma, Washington listen to Venom, Hellhammer, Bathory, GBH and Exploited records non stop, get drunk and high on skunk weed and decide to start a band. Its Venom reborn (or possessing) in them, what vomits out is a cacophony of noise that does their heroes proud. A sonic blackened speed metal punk attack that sets all faders to red. I have never listened to their later albums without the original members but their demo “Machine of War” and their full length “Unholy Death” is Venom worship but with their own spin they mainly sing about the same things that Venom does but they also sing about being Loud and Black Knights. Vocalist Kurt Struebing is notorious for killing his adoptive mother while high on drugs with a hatchet and scissors thinking she was a “robot” in 1986 around the time their album “Unholy Death” was released, he got a second degree murder charge and was sent to prison for twelve years but only served eight. After getting out he seemed to clean up his life doing music and having a steady job until in 2005 Kurt was killed by driving off a swing bridge in Seattle. He wasn’t anything like the guys in the Black Metal scene in Norway, he didn’t murder his adoptive mother to promote the music or band, he was just crazy and whatever substance he did knocked him off balance. That incident just adds to the strange, dark atmosphere of the band’s early days. From what I hear their later stuff without their lead singer is just tepid, unoriginal crossover thrash, maybe what I hear is wrong, so just stick with the EP and first full length if you want Venom worship.

5. Barrow Wight

From the cold wastes of Ontario, Canada come BARROW WIGHT!!! ARGGHHHHH!!! Imagine Venom singing about Hobbits, Elves, Orcs, Dwarves, Morgul Blades and Sauron instead of Hell and Satan then you have a good idea of what your in for. This is one Venom rip off band that is relatively new to the scene that is one of my favorites. Why they are further down the list is they aren’t a straight up rip off, they mix the ambience and atmosphere of Amebix and Hawkwind. So far they’ve only released two demos, one EP “Power from the East”, a awesome full length “Kings in Sauron’s Service” and a appearance on the “Trapped Under Ice” compilation with the song “Morgul Blade”, I hope their not one of those bands that just stops, their gonna piss me the hell off if that happens. I have “King’s in Sauron’s Service” in CD and on vinyl because the vinyl came with a shirt and a cool fucking pin. “King’s in Sauron’s Service” is an awesome album, a mix of post punk, crust punk and blackened speed metal. The songs change up a lot, the “Knights in Sauron’s Service” track is banging Venom until it descends into a blissed out, jazz keyboard jam that would make the progressive space rock band Hawkwind blush. I’ve listened to this album I can’t tell you how many times, most of the time when I hear a band is singing about “Lord of the Rings” I think their some boring, cheesy, cosplaying, over the top, operatic, crappy “Power Metal” band. Barrow Wight isn’t that band, founded by Antero on bass and vocals, Akiva on guitar and Ace on drummers, a three piece like Venom. Give this band a spin, while the Power Metal bands play Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings”, Barrow Wight play Ralph Bakshi’s animated/rotoscoped low budget cult film version of “Lord of the Rings”.

6. Bathory

Lo fi production. Check. Gargling razor blade vocals. Check. Inept playing. Check. Songs about Satan and Hell. Check. Again Quorthon claims he didn’t know about Venom or wasn’t influenced by them in any way. Quorthon claims that he got the band name from the blood bathing countess, Elisabeth Bathory, while visiting her wax likeness in the London Dungeon Wax Museum in England, however Jonas Akerlund, drummer and future director of “Spun”, “Lords of Chaos” (a movie based on the book of the black metal bands of Norway in the early 1990’s influenced by Bathory and Venom) and numerous music videos claims Quorthon was full of shit and got the title from the Venom song “Countess Bathory”. Bathory’s album art, especially on the first three “Devil” albums, the crappy lo fi production, the punk like playing and throat shredding vocals all scream “VENOM!!!” However, he denied ever listening to them until 1985, and said he was more influenced by Black Sabbath, Motorhead and GBH. Later, Quorthon admitted to listening to Venom’s “Black Metal” in 1983 and calling it “One of the Best Albums Made”. But at the time he denied ever listening to them. Cronos called Quorthon a “dick” and said that Bathory copied Venom without ever giving them credit. Bathory’s first three records, the self titled one, “The Return” and “Under the Sign of the Black Mark”, the three Venom rip off albums are superb First Wave of Black Metal, Quorthon and company put their own spin on the sound. After the third album they started drifting into “Viking Metal” territory and are considered one of the first bands to explore the sound. Quorthon would pass away in 2004 of heart failure. 

7. Hellhammer

Hellhammer was started by Swiss teens Tom Gabriel Fischer (aka Tom Warrior) and drummer Pete Stratton. Influenced by Venom, Motorhead and Discharge (the usual suspects) Hellhammer screamed “Damn the torpedoes if Venom can be shitty and semi succeed, we can be shitty and semi succeed!” In 1983 they recorded their “Triumph of Death” demo for 70 bucks, which spells lo fi, punk metal assault. They sent the demo to various metal magazines, the reception was either “We love this primitive demo!” To “These fucking guys suck, their not even good as a punk band, they should kill themselves!” And I am paraphrasing there, there was no mediocre or OK reviews, their demo inspired strong reactions which is a good sign of a future cult status, they also made an appearance on one of the classic “Metal Massacre” compilations. Noise Records came knocking interested and released a revamped version of their demo “Apokalyptic Raids 1990” in 1990. They were considered one of the “First Wave of Black Metal” bands, one of the bands to inspire the Black Metal mayhem that was to come. Eventually, Tom Warrior shed his metal punk roots and started the avant garde/experimental/thrash band, Celtic Frost. In fact, Metal Hammer of England didn’t like Hellhammer at all and as a result wouldn’t give Celtic Frost a chance, in fact, some claim that they were black listed from England for the longest time because Metal hammer shit on them.  Tom viewed Hellhammer as a curse for the longest time, but there has been numerous reissues of their work, and Tom at the time wanted to beat Venom in the unholy noise race. In fact, Tom and the band went to a press conference Venom had in Switzerland and Tom brought his demo and told Cronos with a crowd watching that their band was louder, better and faster than Venom. Cronos wanted to hear it so Tom put in the tape and played their demo, the crowd laughed in derision and Cronos and the guys from Venom shrugged in derision. Tom said he was embarrassed. Hellhammer is a lot more primitive and punk than Venom, in fact, Venom sounds like Malmsteem compared to Hellhammer, but fuck these guys just went for the throat and I love it. They sing about what Venom does but they also gargle about execution and battle. Tom Warrior released an awesome book which I will review sometime down the line called “Only Death Is Real” which documents the years he was with Hellhammer and early Celtic Frost, there is pictures of their shows, the band, their girlfriends, posters, album art, HR Giger encounters (another Swiss art celebrity who if you don’t know who he is by now you should show yourself out of my blog) and interesting back stories and history on the band.

8. Midnight

Ahhhh!!! Fucking Midnight, the last band on this list, not last because they are least, but last because they take the Venom sound, run over it a high speeds with Motorhead, thrash the shit out of it with early Sodom and sing it to sleep as it dies with “New Wave Of British Heavy Metal” melodies. Midnight fucking kills and rocks!!! Athenar takes the lo fi sound and aesthetic and plays proficient and technically efficient metal punk without being too flashy or over produced sounding. This combination makes Midnight’s sound unique. Coming from the more Stoner Rock oriented band “Boulder”, Midnight will strangle you in your sleep and fuck you silly. The songs will stay in your head, and I have yet to run into a bad Midnight album, EP or compilation, the dude, Athenar, almost does a pitch perfect rendition of Cronos’ gargled razor blades and acid vocals. And he sings about Hell, Sex, Drugs, Rock n’ Roll and Violence. A recent addition to the Venom worship cult, go check him out, on the albums he plays every fucking instrument, and touring he gets the best people possible to play. FUCKING MIDNIGHT!!!

So in closing I might’ve left out some Venom copy bands, some of you might be going, “Hey he left out…” I am sure I did but I am not looking for bands like Darkthrone or early Burzum who are straight up Black Metal and were only influenced by Venom for this post, I am looking for bands who try to emulate Venom in their own way. But no band, no matter how much they try will reach the rotten filthy sound that the classic Venom achieved with their first four albums and Eps. Nobody ever will, classic Venom will always be VENOM.

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: Get ridden hard by “Black Demons” and be driven to “Black Rock n’ Roll Madness”.

I hate when bands have a lot of promise and only release one album or EP. “Black Demons” is one of those bands, I make no secret of the fact I like bands that rip off Venom and Motorhead, that dirty, blackened speed metal, proto thrash, hardcore d beat punk sound gets me right in the junk every time I hear it. There is some bands that just can’t pull it off or try too hard. “Black Demons” isn’t one of those bands, they flawlessly mix Motorhead with Venom, a sound they call “Black Rock n’ Roll”. That being said these guys, who are from Malaysia, only released a split and this EP tape. Damn shame, a lot of promise. 

Though the lyrics from most of these bands get monotonous and eye rolling predictable “Satan this”, “Hell this”, “Demon that” etc. Its not the lyrics I am really after, it is the sound and there is bands who play that dirty, blackened speed metal/punk hybrid with lyrics that don’t pertain to old scratch. So with this tape you get that sound, the lyrics are cartoon devil Venom.

The first song “Rock n’ Roll Madness” lays the echoes on the vocals and it is a rollicking, d beat bonanza, more Motorhead than Venom. A song to drink your favorite dark brew to. The second song “Satanic Rites” starts with “I am gonna piss off my mom by singing about Satan” lyrics. This dives more into the head bangin’, Venom side of the scum infested pool. Simple, blunt and to the sharpened point like a metal punk song should be.  The third track, “Demonic Sacrifice” starts with a plodding mid tempo that will chew into your brain and rot out your eyes, its like trudging through the sludge that results from millions of corpses having their flesh rotting from their bones melting on to the floor. Than it goes at break neck down the Autobahn about to collide with a truck of dynamite, then its back to trudging through flesh sludge. This track keeps it interesting by changing up tempo to down tempo. While there is echo effect on the vocals there is none on the instruments that still sound primitive as fuck. Next up is “Bloody Blasphemous Mantra” a song that takes no prisoners and goes for broke, drums, bass, guitar and vocals going all over the place.

The next track is what else? “Hard Ride with Satan” with chanting vocals over punk bass and rhythm, this is the sound of riding hard with Satan, wait, that does sound a little gay. Like “Satan-Saddam- South Park” gay, I don’t know guys, maybe change the title of the song? I laugh when hear this song because I have a juvenile sense of humor. Their last track is a cover of the band their trying to rip off, Venom, with “Black Metal” they don’t deviate too much from the original, the vocals are different because there is rarely anybody that can match Crono’s “gargle with acid and razor blade” vocals. So overall is this tape worth it? Well if your a fan of Venom and Motorhead like me it is fucking vital you give this a listen or snap up a copy of the tape if you can ever find one.

The tape is professionally done and it looks like they took the trouble of actual putting a label on the recordable tape unlike a lot of other artists. It comes in a clam shell with folding lyrics sleeve and cover. So if you want more Venom here you go.

To get “Black Rock n’ Roll-ed” go to: https://www.bitchute.com/video/vosTw9KSjktE/

Sorry physical copy addicts, no copies in sight best bet is to get “Black Rock n’ Roll-ed” above.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Get a “Light Blast” in your face!!!

If you want to watch a movie that will melt your face and has face melting in it look no further than “Light Blast”. Erik Estrada, fresh off the set of “CHiPs” plays Ron Warren, a San Francisco police detective (wait, he doesn’t look like a “Ron Warren” sorry, I am pointing out the obvious don’t care if you are offended either) who goes after a mad scientist/professor Dr. Yuri Svoboda (played by Italian actor Enio Girolami) who has a laser weapon that can melt huge groups of people, the first people he uses it on are a teenage couple getting hot and heavy in a train yard, tight teen titties pop up and the professor melts them.

Directed by Enzo G. Castellari, who directed the original “Inglorious Bastards”, (Quentin Tarantino ripped off the title for his movie), and the post apocalyptic cinematic turd “1990: The Bronx Warriors” a rip off of “Escape from New York”. This movie was an Italian/American production, you’ll see a lot more Italian names in the credits than American ones. Unlike a lot of Italian productions, it looked like they actually had some money, instead of shooting their whole movie in a warehouse, office building or forest preserve, it looked like they actually got to shoot in Network news buildings, police stations and even on a freeway, they didn’t look like they shot in one limited location like most low budget flicks. However, at the Derby race when Erik goes to stop the mad scientist from melting the crowd the film makers use stock footage from “Herbie The Love Bug” and “Fireball 500” for the derby race which shows some cheapness in the production.

You can’t beat dialogue like this from Erik “Its maggots like you that make me like my job”. OHHHHHHH! OWNED! The mad professor black mails the mayor of San Francisco by telling him if he doesn’t get millions of dollars he is gonna start melting larger groups of people. What ensues is insanity, an action movie that goes off the rails and never gets back on them, you get car chases, car explosions, people melting, people shot in the face, multiple people on fire, corny porn like music more at home in the 1970’s than the 1980’s, titties and weird looking people. What more do you want in an action movie?!

Of course this being an Italian action movie about a mad scientist with a laser weapon you’ll have to suspend your disbelief or you won’t enjoy this movie. Your gonna have to shut off the rational part of your brain and bathe in the stupidity that is “Light Blast”. In one scene Erick chases one of the main villain’s henchmen who has a John Holmes like pornstache to a funeral home, in the funeral home is the mad scientist’s hot young wife working on putting make up on a corpse, she gets in a kung fu (more like “dumb fu”) fight with Erick, she kicks the ever living shit out of him, punching him in the face, kicking him in the nuts and face, Erick gets his gun and shoots her. After the fight he is at the police station, with no black eyes or bruises anywhere! Guy heals fast, not to mention after getting kicked in the balls repeatedly he still fights like nothing happened, now if your a man you know that is impossible, if somebody steals your family jewels you’ll be crying in pain if you get my drift and you won’t be able to fight.

“Ridiculous” is “Light Blast”s middle name. Its a movie I watch at least once every year, this is my kind of action movie, a movie written by a fourteen year old in his creative writing class in junior high. There is even a “junior high creative writing class moment” with the abrupt ending which I won’t give away. At the end I laugh and I clap. Some of Mr. Estrada’s best work and that isn’t saying a lot.

So do want to get “Light Blast”ed in the face? Go here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/3v75N0p9i0Cn/

This has never been released officially so guess what? Use a search engine to find sellers who make bootleg copies if you want a physical one that bad.

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Visual White Noise Theater: Hate dem’ fancy “Cabin Boy”s(1994)

I remember as a kid loving Chris Elliot’s TV show “Get A Life” about a thirty something year old that still lives with his parents and has a job delivering papers, all his friends were between the ages of nine and thirteen years old (hey that sounds familiar, Chris was a prophet!), it screams “Pedo” and jokes were made in that direction. The humor in the show was absurd, offensive, off the wall, non sequiturs, crazy, stupid, juvenile etc. and it lasted only two seasons. My parents and mom in particular knew him from the David Letterman show, that and his two season show got him a movie that Tim Burton was supposed to direct but ended up producing because Tim wanted to direct “Ed Wood” instead, he was a big fan of Chris’ humor. “Cabin Boy” was all the things I mentioned above, I laughed at the movie and loved it, my dad called it “a crock of shit” and my mom wasn’t impressed with it when we rented it from our local family owned video rental business. Now years later I wanted to see if it still made me laugh or at least gave me chuckles, I’d forgotten almost everything about it except David Letterman as the the sailor/sock monkey salesman that says “I hate dem fancy boys!” Well I watched it and not only did I laugh, my jaw fell to the floor. Elliot and his co writer/director Adam Resnick, who also was a writer for David Letterman were way way WAY ahead of their time, Tim and Eric and Adult Swim owe Chris and Adam.

When Tim left to direct “Ed Wood” they didn’t know who to get to direct. Tim mentioned that Adam should direct it and they were off and running. Well more like jogging, when Buena Vista pictures found out Tim was leaving they cut their budget in half. When Adam and Tim wrote the script they kept in mind Burton’s penchant for weirdness, so they wrote a lot of special effects related things for the script. In fact, if they’d known Tim wasn’t gonna direct they were gonna leave a lot of the weird stuff on the floor which makes no sense at all because Chris’ humor is bizarre and it annoys some people.

The “Cabin Boy” is Nathaniel Mayweather who goes to “Fancy Boys Finishing School” where he wears a wig, is an obnoxious, stuck up, is an ass to his teachers and fellow students and he is also a virgin (a lot like his character in “Get A Life”). When he graduates his dad, played by Chris’ real life comedian dad, Bob Elliot, wants him to take over the hotel chain they own in Hawaii after he graduates, he is given tickets to board a luxury cruiser, the Queen Catherine, after being thrown out by the annoyed limo driver who was supposed to take him to the cruise ship, Nate takes a wrong turn into the wrong shipping village where David Letterman, the sailor/sock monkey salesman sends him to the boat, The Filthy Whore, instead.

Nathaniel thinking the Filthy Whore is one of those “theme boats” encounters Kenny (played by Andy Richter) who is the retarded Cabin Boy, he lets Nate on the boat while the other sailors aren’t on it because Nate says the captain said it was OK, he falls asleep and soon is awakened by the crew all played by curmudgeons who play crusty old men and villains in other movies, these four guys make this movie, Chris is still funny but these guys had me cracking up through the whole thing. Captain Greybar (yeah this movie is immature, played by Ritch Brinkley), Skunk (Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill’s brother and Noah from “Wayne’s World”), Big Teddy (played by Brion James who you’ve seen as a villain in tons of 1980’s-1990’s movies and TV shows) and Paps (played by James Gammon, the coach from “Major League”). Nate tries to convince them to go to Hawaii they laugh in his face. Nate fools Kenny into steering the ship towards Hawaii while the crew is asleep.

They run into a violent storm, evil clouds blow the ship around and Kenny falls into the water and drowns, they make Nate the new Cabin Boy and he has to do degrading things and clean the ship. It turns out that the ship got blown into a type of Bermuda Triangle called “Hell’s Bucket” in this place they encounter a lot of weird stuff, a half man, half shark creature called Chalky (played by Russ Tamblyn who is known as Dr. Jacobi in “Twin Peaks”), a girl who is trying to swim the Pacific Ocean, gets caught in Nate’s net and he falls in love with her and she has no interest in him, a frost giant, a giant cupcake that spits tabacco, the blue skinned, many armed Hindu goddess Kali who “cleans pipes” (I am not giving that one away folks) and her possessive, pissed off giant Housewares Salesman husband named Mulligan (played by Mike Starr).

I am not giving away the whole store, your gonna have to go shopping. It will be a very weird store indeed, the production company for “Cabin Boy” was Skellington Productions, which is Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s (who directed “James and the Giant Peach” and “Nightmare Before Christmas”) studio, so all the weird creatures and sets were made there, all of them practical, no fucking CGI, thank the B movie gods. This whole movie has got a “Tim Burton” vibe to it if he made more light hearted fair, it also reminds me of Terry Gilliam’s absurdist movies.

So this movie came out and…A bombed whole cities, pulverized them to radioactive dust. Critics (most of them I fucking hate, like Siskel and Ebert) shit all over this movie, it was a huge embarrassment at the time for everybody involved. Chris and Adam had stated for the longest time their careers were in shambles. But in 1994 I was a junior high kid loved this movie and didn’t care what some four eyed, pencil neck geek said about it and still feel the same way years later.

Like all things ahead of their time “Cabin Boy” garnered a cult following, people rewatched it and quoted lines from it like “Hate Dem Fancy Boys!” And most famous of all “My pipes…are…CLEAN!!!” Chris and Adam are surprised by the newfound fame of their movie that embarrassed them and now they have a fondness for it and speak at screenings. Watch this movie and tell me that most of the stuff on “Adult Swim” and “The Mighty Boosh” owe a debt of gratitude to “Cabin Boy”.

So where do get on the right ship and get on the right stream? Well its gonna cost you a ticket, sorry guys don’t feel good about posting this movie on my bitchute channel, don’t want to get busted: https://www.amazon.com/Cabin-Boy-Chris-Elliott/dp/B004YSDSV2

However, there will be certain “pirates” in the “bay” that will take you to your destination free of charge, just make sure that ship has a VPN cloaking device if you get my drift. *wink*wink*

This is must have visual noise, but a little “Cabin Boy” in your life (that came out sounding creepy.)

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Short (S)hit list: Welcome to “Futuropolis” 1984

Space is certainly the place. Animated space you can live in, you’ll fly in cartoon space ships, eat cartoon hotdogs, everyone of your movements will be herky jerky and you will get turned into kitsch, retro toys by villains with aluminum helmets. If all this sounds appealing to you than you will like…

Smashing animation against live action like a really violent car wreck, this 38 minute short film will snap your spine and make whatever brains you have in your head bloodily leak out of your ears.

“Futuropolis” is a short film I repeat view numerous times, its in its own, whacky, low budget world. I can tell that the creators were paying homage to and making a parody of the 1930’s serials like “Flash Gordon” and “Buck Rogers”. With what budget they had they designed an impressive space opera adventure. The theme song is pretty catchy with the common refrain “Fly Rangers Fly” and looking at the credits they also wrote all the tunes for this movie.

Alot of the effects in “Futuropolis” remind me of a lot of the special effects laden videos on 1980’s MTV, herky jerky live action actors pasted onto some form of animation. Some films I wish would be shorter and they’d have more power but this one I wish was longer. I wanted more exploration into this universe, sadly there is no “Futuropolis 2”.

The Space Cadets (take of that what you will) are Spud, Lieutenant Luna, Cosmo and Captain Garth, they are sent to find out why there is violent mutations of various species on different planets. The source of the mutations is Professor Egghead, a guy who looks like a reject from the band Devo, he has a silver helmet and has a machine that mutates people into animated gaseous clouds or retro toys. Yeah this thing is insane and stuff like this makes me very happy, don’t expect logic out of this short because if you do you’ll be disappointed.

Not only do you get cartoon food, cartoon alien villains, cartoon guns, cartoon saws etc. you also get cartoon farting alien dinosaurs. Go back and read that, yes you read that right, anyways, info on this short is very scant it was directed by Phil Trumbo and Steve Segal (no not the “acting like a stone in every movie he is in” Segal, a different one) Segal also plays Mutcho, one of Professor Egghead’s henchmen. Segal also did the special effects for the end part on a Commodore 64!

The directors of “Futuropolis” went on to work on “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” which makes a lot of sense they go from this short film to that show. This would be something Pee Wee would watch, do his weird pedo chuckle and clap his man boy hands. Steve even worked on “Toy Story”. Apparently this was shot over 9 (!) years in a basement under the Broad Street Station that is now the Science Museum of Virginia.

I can’t tell that this was shot over 9 years, the actors don’t look like they aged at all in 9 years. The dialogue is badly synced, like this could’ve been a foreign movie brought over and dubbed over with bad, stale English. I think that was the effect they were going for.

So do you want to board this animated rocket and shoot into animated outer space? Well you are in luck you can do it here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/Rf3sTLEwc4yM/

If you want to get on a actual flying saucer, your gonna have to get a fake one because there is no official release of this in dvd, you can get it here: https://dvdlady.com/dvd/futuropolis-1984-starring-tom-campagnoli-on-dvd/

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White Noise Eardrum Buster: Ride the 7 inch “Tiger City Shockwave” with the Syphilitic Vaginas and Sabbat!

What a wheel, what a wheel. It spins violently and has serrated edges…well it is just a common 7 inch vinyl record but it should have serrated edges because the sound that violently springs from the grooves cuts deep and fast, blink and you’ll miss it, slices of violent, street level, blackened speed metal punk. I bring you…

Front cover of 7 inch

AND…

Back of 7 inch

Pairing these two together is like leveling Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Atomic explosions that will leave radioactive ash in your ears. This 7 inch was put out by the good folks of Heavy Metal Superstars out of Japan and limited to 400 copies, I have the 181st copy.

Front cover with number band.
Back of 7 inch with quantity band

While Syphilitic Vaginas adorn their album covers with Japanese characters and have broken English titles to their songs, EP’s, singles and albums and they sound like a 1980’s era metallic Japanese hardcore “Burning Spirits” type band, this “band” is from Sweden and from what I have read its a one man band who records all his own stuff like Athenar from Midnight and tours with a band. I loved the Syphilitic Vaginas from the first time I discovered them, their name even pays homage to legendary metal punk band GISM naming the band after one of GISM’s song titles. He captures the GISM sound perfectly, this one song is a ripper and classic Syphilitic Vaginas.

Inside fold of 7 inch

Syphilitic Vagina’s track “Tiger City Shockwave” starts by pounding your head into the concrete and then curb stomps you, however its got a kind of swing to it that wouldn’t be out of place on a 1980’s hair metal record. But of course the vocals sound like rusty razors giving you tetanus so its not like a Poison song by a long shot. The repeating riffs eat into your brain, the guitar breaks and leads ape Randy Uchida’s rough and technical style.

Front page of insert.

Sabbat’s track “Blacking Metal” starts off with an almost doomy Sabbath riff with a drummer hitting a cowbell and then it rips into the blackened sonic thrash Eastern terror Sabbat is famous and known for. Among a lot of fans they are considered the first Black Metal band in Japan and this band is actually Japanese. The track is sung in Japanese and the chorus in broken “Engrish”. The solos are discordant, lean, mean and nasty. This seven inch EP is a nasty SOB, a samurai “Seppuku” to the gut. Go on out and listen to it and get it.

Side A, Syphilitic Vaginas “Tiger City Shockwave”
Side B Sabbat with “Blacking Metal”

So where do you want to have your ears hammered out of your head and your teeth shoved down your throat? Go here for a preview: https://www.bitchute.com/video/5FwDHbAbL9W7/

So to get this nasty, circular saw plate there is one left as I am typing this on discogs: https://www.discogs.com/Syphilitic-Vaginas-Sabbat-Tiger-City-Shockwave-Blacking-Metal/master/1135406

Here you can get SV’s complete singles and EPs in two collections on bandcamp as well as bad ass t shirts: https://syphiliticvaginas.bandcamp.com/

Most of Sabbat’s insane discography is up on bandcamp, go on by to: https://sabbat.bandcamp.com/

 

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White Noise on Paper: Very, very, “Scary!”

Awww a twisted fairy tale from a twisted mind, I bet when you read that sentence back to yourself the name “Ted Jouflas” doesn’t ring a bell, “Early Tim Burton” would most likely pop up in the dark, scummy recesses of your mind. But you should know that name, “Ted Jouflas”, he draws pretty much what Tim Burton thinks but while Tim stabs, Ted twists the blade. Why nobody has animated “Scary!” Is beyond me, at least as a short film. Ted creates his own version of our reality, and I hate to re use this metaphor but its like a fun house version of our world.

This is a debauched and dark fairy tale of an egotistical, self absorbed, alcohol and drug addicted actress and model named Winkie and her perverted miss adventures, all illustrated by Kouflas. You also get Winkie’s pet poodle, a zombie cat named Mensa, a perverted plastic surgeon by the name of Dr. Nimrod, Princess Pretender, Candy Ass, Bug Boy, Dmitri and Hellbilly.

Ted Jouflas’ style is very interesting, he really goes up to the line of “abstract” but doesn’t cross it, each one of his panels or single pages moves the story along without being confusing. A couple of the panels mix in some collage also, the cover and back of the book are collage pieces. Every panel and every page of “Scary!” Is surprising and interesting, you might be disgusted, or repulsed by what you are reading and seeing but you won’t be bored.

I first encountered Ted’s work in “Weirdo” where it automatically it stood out, his “Bat Girl” strip really stung me in the eyes. I had to find more of his work, of course the awesome Fantagraphics put this out. Ted started out painting and he was such a good painter that he had exhibitions of his work in various cities and he got various art exhibition awards. At the same time he was doing free lance work for various alternative weeklies and newspapers while doing work for Rolling Stone and Spin. In the late 1980’s he started doing strips for “Weirdo”, in 1990 he moved to Seattle as Grunge was exploding and did freelance work for Fantagraphics and underground label Sub Pop. “Scary!” Got published by Fantagraphics in 2002.

 

Ted and his wife live in Phoenix, Arizona, his comics mainly show up in “The American Bystander” and he teaches an art class at Alice Cooper’s (yes that one, SHOCK ROCK GOD) Solid Rock Teen Center, a place Alice (real name Vincent Furnier) funds for disadvantaged kids. “Scary!” is worth every penny. The images and words will stab you in the eyes and you will like it. Required visual white noise.

So where do you get “Scary!” And shit your pants? There is cheap copies still available at most online book selling sites but I’ll give you one right now: https://www.amazon.com/Scary-Ted-Jouflas/dp/1560972742